Wow, i'm making coffee cake right now (did you know that there's actually NO coffee in coffee cake! that, my friends, is deception! :) ) and it's taking a LONG time to cook. so that's why you guys get 2 blogs in one night! Another thing i was going to mention was that i'm so full of questions... like i read something and just TONS of questions come to me! they used to totally confuse me and i'd get frustrated, but now they're more just really spicy challenges... and it's cool! but i was finding that i was so busy that i would just ask all these questions and journal them and then not go and actually find the answers. so to solve my problem... i now read the BIble with a commentary beside me! (most of the time!) seriously, it's SO interesting! Like, you'll be reading something and you'll be like "sorceror"... what does that word actually mean? and then you'll read the little section in the commentary and it'll tell you that that word comes from the word "Pharmakia" which means "the illigitemit distribution of drugs", so a sorceror was, in a sense, a drug dealer. and for me, the Word has just totally come alive with new meanings and such! it's so neat! but not that we should be relying on a commentary for answers all the time. savvy? like, the Bible is the only inspired Book, but sometimes it's totally helpful and you'll read something and it'll be even more meaningful because you truly understand it. :) so yah, that's my 2 cents. i think my cake is done now! hopefully? we'll see!
J Ro

Yo! I haven't too much to say, and as it's after 1:00 am i'm sure most of this isn't comprehendable, let along legible :) but i'll try my best!
so basically, i was sitting here just now and was thinking to myself "What has God taught me recently? Where's he pointing things out to me in my life?" and i think more and more He's revealing to me who i am. and who He wants me to be. and how those are similar and how those may have differences. one big thing as i learn who i am, i notice certain personality traits that i don't like. and they're not neccesary BAD traits, but i'll look at them and be like "hmm... i wish i was more outgoing..." or "Gee, i wish i could make everyone laugh"... and "boy, it sure would be nice to laugh all the time" and i become almost disappointed that i'm not those things. and i dunno, like i know that the Lord has crafted me with precision and detail, so i'm thinking that it's almost like shoving the Lord's creation back into His face because it didn't turn out how i'd like it to be. but then again i don't know. i don't think it's wrong to strive to be more boisterous and humourous, etc.
another thing is I think He's let me spend these past couple months dreaming about humongous things, things that there's no way i could accomplish on my own, but are so beautiful at the same time because HE can do them... but now it's like He's saying i've spent enough time at the easel sketching and drawing and dreaming and planning and now
IT'S TIME
i totally feel Him nudging me out the door, saying "look, there it is! The whole world I've given you to use... now let's go and ACCOMPLISH those desires! stop dreamin' and start livin'!"
and it's cool. now i need to wake up every morning and just really remember the shortness of life is... i think i'm gonna dry a flower and put it on my dresser to remind me of how quickly the flowers and beauty and life can wither away and to spur me forward to action and not complacency. yes Lord! i love you guys :)
Jan-L

Lol, ok, have you guys ever been to quizilla.com? it's hilarious! they have tons of those totally lame but curiously intriuging quizzes you can take... i took a LOTRs one and here's the scoop :P

Congratulations! You're Aragorn!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahaha... that's no fair! just because i said i liked mud wrestling. it's ironic though because the first time i took it i said i enjoyed candle light dinners and jaccuzis and i was Legolas who was self absorbed and obsessed with my looks and then i went back and saw mud wrestling (didn't notice it at first) and changed it and all of a sudden i'm a complete slob! hahaha... good times.

woof... where do i start? i guess Merry Christmas? hahaha, but seriously, i hope it rocked for one and all out there. Christmas for me was... good. no, that's a lie. i mean, nothing horribly drastic went wrong... i got the gifts i hoped for, the food was excellent, the hanging out was sweet (err, "spicy" is the new "sweet", eh Kristeen? :) ), and it's happening all again in 2 days when my rellies from the interior come down! hurrah! erm.... i'm sorry, i'm not being sarcastic, really i'm not. i honestly DID enjoy Christmas and i seriously DO love seeing my family and doing the whole kit 'n kaboodle this time a year, but i'm so empty. gosh, i'm empty. more than that, i'm rebellious. and bitter. crap, if there's anything i hate it's when i'm bitter. my thorn has been jammed in me deep, and i guess it's hard not to notice. it's like there's such a battle that wages war in me. Jesus has one arm and Satan has the other and they argue over who gets me. and the frustrating thing is, i'm really not resisting the devil that much. because what he has to offer sometimes seems so worthwhile, so beautiful. but yuck, what an awful, disgusting thing it really is.
hmmm... i feel as though I have a lot more to say, like about daily giving 100%, making a conscious decision to live for Yeshua, and to really honestly DO the things He's placed on my heart to do... but i think i'm gonna take a shower, read le Bible, and be back. hopefully :) talk to you guys soon!
Janelle
"seek the Lord while He may be found..."

help! i didn't change anything, but i no longer have comment thingers... and no more links. at least, i don't see them anywhere on my computer. i tried changing the template cuz i thought that might be it. but it's not. hmm... God let people make computers so that my patience could be tested and made strong! lol. love you muchly.

Whoa, two blogs in one day! that's simply nuts. but i wrote a poem. and it doesn't really accurately describe how i'm feeling like RIGHT now, but definately at times. so here it is! it's called Model Me.

Model Me

Why are you idols
So beautiful to me?
Gods of destruction
Scrutinous, seductive
You images without colour or soul
Why beckon the innocent into your arms?
The shapeless judgements, over shapen
You've touched the glass
Reflected your standards
To the dismay of your worshippers
With captivity you coyly skirt
About the seams
To make my worst enemy
That of myself
Hollow voices praise you (cranberried lips)
Blind, empty seekers (long lashed eyes)
I hate you
I love you
I am you
But don't you place
Dimples in my smiles
Don't dance your figures
Over our own
Sticks and stones
You sticks weighed in stones
You devour those who won't consume
Bars of guilt
Formed yet deformed
Hands on no hips
We crowned you our queen
And faithful are we
To the shadows you cast
In my mind's looking glass
Could we dethrone you?
Cut your life short
But I fear of the exile
Betrayal has promised
And so now we stay
Merely bones and some skin
And align in the army
Of crumbling manequins.

Greetings all! Hmm, interesting day. We had an awesome somosas talk in Bible about who we were versus who we've become and will grow into be, and about relationships and premarital sex, and dating in high school, etc. There were some really insightful things said. It was good.

something that just came to mind is this: i haven't FELT God in a while. idon't know when i last "felt" Him. but i'm doing soooo good. so good. like, thinking about who i was before this year was hard for me to do in Bible because so much of it is so personal and emotional and still tries to grab me sometimes. But before I was so full of fear and envy and self-hate and guilt. and like, i've been praying for so long that i'd be free from all those things that lock me in those cages, and i haven't seen any drastic changes, but the minor ones are worth praising Jesus for! but yah, and i've been sitting here going "ok... i haven't really specifically HEARD from the Lord in a while or felt His presence strongly..." but i still get the sense that we're just jogging along together, enjoying the view. and that's cool! but at the same time i'm not really sure if life is just good and i'm not compeltely pressing into Christ, or if life is good because we're just enjoying each other. does that make any sense? i still have such such such a deep passion to know the Lord so much more and just to go deeper and to have big dreams and visions and to have experiences with Him and share Him with other people. It just sort of seems like some of the hype is gone. which is good? or maybe not? lol, i'm no spiritual guru. but it's more like, do you ever go to worship or youth events and just get SOOO "high" on Christ and things are so awesome, but you go home and you're physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted? i sure have before! and it doesn't really seem right. like, i'm all for meeting Jesus through song and dance and utter surrenderings and all, but it's like we work sooo hard to get soooo enthused in the church during that revival time but then go home and start getting doubts and frustrations because that same hype isn't there. i'm certainly not saying i've reached a stage in my God journey where i'm beyond the fickleness of feelings and the abstract emotions, but now things are just SO PEACEFUL. SOOO PEACEFUL. and it's just so grood! great and good! i just want to take in so much of the Spirit and bless people soo much. Like, get lost in helping others. that's where we'll find Jesus! i've certainly spent enough time judging others or being afraid of "sinners" and separating myself from those who are "bad influences on me". it's just so bull. i mean, i won't put myself in a situation where i have a strong weakness and will very easily fall into sin, but the heart of Christ seems to be at the heart of people. all people. every person. those lesbians in the mall. that ungrateful druggie by the 7-11. the ruthless money lenders. the unrepentant and the repentant. those made righteous by His blood adn those who slander His name. hey, we all are the same. sinners. sometimes i look at "unfortunate" people and try to put a face to them...like the fact that they may be a prostitute because they were nurtured poorly and were kicked out of the house, or they're forced to live on the streets because they lost all their money and no one would take them in. some of them for sure are, in the world's sense, dealt a poor hand. but we are nothing better. Jesus... you are closer to the hell-bound adulterer than you are to me because I am too proud to associate with him. please, i'm so sorry... help me never... never never ever to judge again. show me where you are, where your heart is, and let me live in that space. Let this Christmas be one of utter humility and generosity and love... and then let Christmas last all year round.

Hey guys! You know, i think i need a crash course in blogging 101 because I simply cannot figure out how to figure out this figure out how to this out figure what this figure how out! is that how you spell figure? I think i've overspelled it and now it looks funny.
something the Lord's been once again drilling into my head: If at first I don't succeed, pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray again. but seriously, the power of prayer has totally been revealed to me recently! and just things that I thought were "little" too! I just spend an amazing night with my elementary school bestest friend and whereas we've changed and discovered new things, it was just like old times! it seems so cliche, but we sat around laughing at the past, trying to courageously discuss the future, and renew promises to stay in touch. but she left and I went up to the barn (it's pretty much a tabernacle for me... so God-filled) and prayed for her and for me to remain close to her and all. Like, my heart just cries out for her to come to know the Lord and I want to totally be a part of that. and so many other prayers answered as well... i've been thinking alot recently about "living for the moment" and how I can do that and what exactly that is. I think God's showing me that so much of it is just lots of prayer and then jumping at every single single every every every single opportunity! Nehemiah... wow, good book. read it. but the first chapter has Nehemiah as a servant in a pagan king's household. nehemiah's heart is broken because he's realized the state Jerusalem is in. the king notices his distress and calls Nee (let's call him Nee :) ) to him to talk about what the problem is. Nee was put on the spot but recognized that the king could help him get back to Jerusalem to fix up that wall. So when he's summoned, Nee quickly sends up a prayer and then jumps at the chance to put his faith in action. and what happened? well, you should read it for yourself, but it's pretty amazing stuff!
hmm, another thing that's been forefront in my soul has been the desire for pure, honest community. like, i have friends, but none of them KNOW me. like really really KNOW me. and part of that is my fears and distrust, but i don't think i really KNOW anyone either! maybe certain aspects of others and maybe some deep things, but it's become so comfortable and easier to stay surface with everyone. it's all so fake. it's all meaningless! Mr. Kennedy talked to us on Thursday in Bible about community as well, and if you've ever been though one of his more emotional lectures, you'll understand what i mean when i say i was so passionate and frustrated, encouraged and discouraged, and ready to break into tears at any moment. my thoughts are, why do we even live with other people if we're gonna push them away our whole ives? why is it that our relationship with the Lord has become so personal that it's completely impersonal? ouch. that's so big. there's definately an intimacy with Jesus that is sacred in a one-on-one relationship kind of way, but where is the brokenness and the openness and the support and the accountability? I see it no where around me. and there's an emptiness. then we went to FIA that night (there's like 10 of us from Bible class that go to FIA) and had an amazing time in our small groups. I didn't hear from the grade 11s, but the girls and guys in grade 12 just had such a blessed evening, and it was only a TASTE of true community. craziness. there's something inside of me that longs to be explored and discovered. i LOVE it when people ask me questions. why? because they take away with them something that is part of me. It's like unwrapping a gift. Merry Christmas everyone! here i am... let's get to KNOW each other.

"These people come near to Me with their mouth and honour Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is made up only of rules taught by men. THerefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent with vanish."


May the grace of our Lord be with you now and always!