why must we obey that which we don't understand? i cannot see the result of my actions. i cannot look at my whole life as a map of winding roads and destinations, swamp lands and highways, mountain ranges and rocky beaches... I don't know where roads lead and paths connect. i'm glad i don't! i like life as an adventure.
sometimes i don't like being set apart. especially recently. it makes me confused and hurt and bitter and frustrated and emotional. but i know there's soooo much more that God's got planned for me, that I can't even see.
"those who obey my teachings are truly My disciples..." (Mark 8:34a)
I've never really pictured obedience as paramount in my walk with God. i mean, sure, it's there and there are things that I do and think later that i disobeyed Him, but just things like flipping out at my mom, or being a jerk to a friend, or wasting my time here on earth. but like, i don't really hear from God, so I never know day-to-day, what He wants me to do. so obedience for me is just more like trying to live each day under a shroud of worship and surrender my problems and worries to Him. so i long to actually hear His voice directing me where to go and what to do. but when that voice comes, am I too leery to trust and obey? hmm..

Oh Jesus, may the whole earth rise up in worship to You! May the trees dance and the birds dive and the creatures cry out. You said that if we stopped praising You the rocks would open up and praise You because Your creation cannot be silent before Your awesomeness.

"God, let me never let the rocks cry out louder than the voice You've given me! As long as I have breath to breathe, my lips with sing Your praise. Until the day in glory when I find the sweetest melody with words to rhyme, as long as I have breath to breathe, i will sing Your praise."

take me. break me. shape me. remake me. direct me. lead me.

for Your glory! You are so beautiful! Be ever near, sweet Messiah... Abba Father... je vous aime

1 John 4:18... perfect love

thanks Jesus for the little blessings each day...
like today, for example! I woke up, and lo, it was morning. But hark, it was sunny! And behold, it was also about 20 minutes earlier than I usually rise! I read 2 Peter 2 this morning and it was good. There's this one verse I remember and it goes "make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, faithfulness; and to faithfulness; self-control. In addition to that self-control, perseverence; and to perseverence, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."
Man, it all comes back to love, hey? I didn't even really know that WE, in and of ourselves, COULD "add to our faith"... but maybe following Christ is 100% trusting Him and 100% personal effort?
someone told me yesterday that they've come once again to the point where they realized that all they really really want in life is to know Christ, but that they've put zero energy into the whole relationship part. Like, they just expected that once they believed, they'd automatically grow closer. i totally fall into that too... just being lazy and all like "meh, my place is secured in Heaven" and then just sorta shrugging off actually
getting
to
know
our
Lord.

[commercial break to let that sink in]

so back to more of today's blessings:
and so because I was up earlier, i was able to walk to the barn instead of drive. and indeed i did. and the weather is fantabulous! and then at the barn I even had time to quickly brush my horse and pick some plops from his paddock (whew, say that 10 times fast! :)). and i dunno, it wasn't that i had a major spiritual experience, but it made me want to get up earlier EVERY morning, just so that i can have time to wake up and enjoy Jesus in His glorious creation.
and THEN i get to school and forsooth, there be-eth only 4 of us in French 12 instead of our usual 8. pourquoi? ah, because the others are on a Geography field trip, hiking and stuff! (lucky bean curds) But our wonderful teacher was like, "well, i won't give you any more french work.. just catch up on whatever you want to!" and so i did some french and then watched the Physics class destroy a computer with hammers to retrieve the cathode ray nodes something-or-else-thinga-hoojits from inside. that was classic :) they broke ALL of the safely warnings on that thing!
and just now, as I sit in the library, my eyes lit upon the kids book section where they get info for doing reports on animals. well, i honestly was unsure entirely what Prairie Dogs were and where they live, what they eat, etc, etc, so I picked up a "Nature's Children: Prairie Dogs" book and read it! and it was cool! I want to be a Prairie Dog! or at least live like one. here's an excerpt:

"If the prairie dog sees nothing to disturb it, it tilts its head back and makes a few short, sharp sounds, or chirks. With each chirk [btw, what the beans is a "chirk"???] its tail quivers and sems to signal 'all clear!' Soon more prairie dogs come out of their homes. They greet each other with kissing and nuzzling. When morning greetings are over, the business of the day begins. The prairie dogs feed busily, bask in the sun, take dust bathes, visit neighbours or wash themselves."

sounds pretty good to me! but yah, i guess i really don't have much more to say... i'd like to pray more with people. i haven't done that recently and i really miss it. and i think one day i would love to live in a community that's just like a prairie dog town!
Right now i'm into:
music: Dido (Mary's in India, Don't Leave Home), oldies, anything that's NOT from The Sound of Music :)
food: try Turtle Cheesecake, my friends!
smells: sunny morning air, and my baby cousin's hair
books: Jillian Jiggs... reliving that childhood, baby!
Bible story: The Israelites winning that battle because Moses held his hands up the whole time... sweet action

Here I lie
Naked before Your eyes
No robe
No rags
No peace

Nothing to hide
I stand before You tall
Nothing to give
I pull my pockets out in shame

I am not hot
And I am not cold
Awed by Your mystery
Yet deafened to Your call
Bone-weary and dry
Yet nearly satisfied
With the world in one hand
Stroking the cross with the other

My soul is chiming dissonance
No sweet harmonies
How do I completely surrender
When I'm not sure I want to be free?

and then i read colossians 1:1-14
I want to be holy, faithful. Loving my brothers and sisters. Faith springing up from hope.
What is in store for me in Heaven? What have I already heard about the word of truth? Has the Gospel come to me? Yet globally this Gospel bears fruit! Oh, how it grows, too! Does it grow among us, my friends? Do we understand God's grace in all its truth? Let us love in the Spirit, and never stop praying. Pray to be filled with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding, that we'd live a life worthy of the Lord--I want to be worthy of Him!--and may please Him in every way (such as bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God adn being strengthened so we can endure trials with patience, joy and thanksgiving. He's qualified me to share in the inheritance of His Kingdom.
wait, let's repeat that: He's qualified me to share in the inheritance of His Kingdom
hello? wake up, Janelle! why does this not consume my being? why is it not the most amazing thing I've heard all day? man, i have passion, but i think it's being outletted in the wrong ways...
What is this "heir-hood" all about? Freedom from death's dark dominion! Wait, am I free? what IS free? can anyone really be truly free?
And passage into His Kingdom! (but again, what IS this Kingdom? is it here, among us? is it yet to come and already been?) Redemption. Forgiveness. Man, I want to be one of our King's most faithful and obedient knights (err... or lady, i guess :) ) Who IS this King of glory?