Wow, i'm making coffee cake right now (did you know that there's actually NO coffee in coffee cake! that, my friends, is deception! :) ) and it's taking a LONG time to cook. so that's why you guys get 2 blogs in one night! Another thing i was going to mention was that i'm so full of questions... like i read something and just TONS of questions come to me! they used to totally confuse me and i'd get frustrated, but now they're more just really spicy challenges... and it's cool! but i was finding that i was so busy that i would just ask all these questions and journal them and then not go and actually find the answers. so to solve my problem... i now read the BIble with a commentary beside me! (most of the time!) seriously, it's SO interesting! Like, you'll be reading something and you'll be like "sorceror"... what does that word actually mean? and then you'll read the little section in the commentary and it'll tell you that that word comes from the word "Pharmakia" which means "the illigitemit distribution of drugs", so a sorceror was, in a sense, a drug dealer. and for me, the Word has just totally come alive with new meanings and such! it's so neat! but not that we should be relying on a commentary for answers all the time. savvy? like, the Bible is the only inspired Book, but sometimes it's totally helpful and you'll read something and it'll be even more meaningful because you truly understand it. :) so yah, that's my 2 cents. i think my cake is done now! hopefully? we'll see!
J Ro
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Yo! I haven't too much to say, and as it's after 1:00 am i'm sure most of this isn't comprehendable, let along legible :) but i'll try my best!
so basically, i was sitting here just now and was thinking to myself "What has God taught me recently? Where's he pointing things out to me in my life?" and i think more and more He's revealing to me who i am. and who He wants me to be. and how those are similar and how those may have differences. one big thing as i learn who i am, i notice certain personality traits that i don't like. and they're not neccesary BAD traits, but i'll look at them and be like "hmm... i wish i was more outgoing..." or "Gee, i wish i could make everyone laugh"... and "boy, it sure would be nice to laugh all the time" and i become almost disappointed that i'm not those things. and i dunno, like i know that the Lord has crafted me with precision and detail, so i'm thinking that it's almost like shoving the Lord's creation back into His face because it didn't turn out how i'd like it to be. but then again i don't know. i don't think it's wrong to strive to be more boisterous and humourous, etc.
another thing is I think He's let me spend these past couple months dreaming about humongous things, things that there's no way i could accomplish on my own, but are so beautiful at the same time because HE can do them... but now it's like He's saying i've spent enough time at the easel sketching and drawing and dreaming and planning and now
IT'S TIME
i totally feel Him nudging me out the door, saying "look, there it is! The whole world I've given you to use... now let's go and ACCOMPLISH those desires! stop dreamin' and start livin'!"
and it's cool. now i need to wake up every morning and just really remember the shortness of life is... i think i'm gonna dry a flower and put it on my dresser to remind me of how quickly the flowers and beauty and life can wither away and to spur me forward to action and not complacency. yes Lord! i love you guys :)
Jan-L
so basically, i was sitting here just now and was thinking to myself "What has God taught me recently? Where's he pointing things out to me in my life?" and i think more and more He's revealing to me who i am. and who He wants me to be. and how those are similar and how those may have differences. one big thing as i learn who i am, i notice certain personality traits that i don't like. and they're not neccesary BAD traits, but i'll look at them and be like "hmm... i wish i was more outgoing..." or "Gee, i wish i could make everyone laugh"... and "boy, it sure would be nice to laugh all the time" and i become almost disappointed that i'm not those things. and i dunno, like i know that the Lord has crafted me with precision and detail, so i'm thinking that it's almost like shoving the Lord's creation back into His face because it didn't turn out how i'd like it to be. but then again i don't know. i don't think it's wrong to strive to be more boisterous and humourous, etc.
another thing is I think He's let me spend these past couple months dreaming about humongous things, things that there's no way i could accomplish on my own, but are so beautiful at the same time because HE can do them... but now it's like He's saying i've spent enough time at the easel sketching and drawing and dreaming and planning and now
IT'S TIME
i totally feel Him nudging me out the door, saying "look, there it is! The whole world I've given you to use... now let's go and ACCOMPLISH those desires! stop dreamin' and start livin'!"
and it's cool. now i need to wake up every morning and just really remember the shortness of life is... i think i'm gonna dry a flower and put it on my dresser to remind me of how quickly the flowers and beauty and life can wither away and to spur me forward to action and not complacency. yes Lord! i love you guys :)
Jan-L
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Lol, ok, have you guys ever been to quizilla.com? it's hilarious! they have tons of those totally lame but curiously intriuging quizzes you can take... i took a LOTRs one and here's the scoop :P
Congratulations! You're Aragorn!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahaha... that's no fair! just because i said i liked mud wrestling. it's ironic though because the first time i took it i said i enjoyed candle light dinners and jaccuzis and i was Legolas who was self absorbed and obsessed with my looks and then i went back and saw mud wrestling (didn't notice it at first) and changed it and all of a sudden i'm a complete slob! hahaha... good times.
Congratulations! You're Aragorn!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahaha... that's no fair! just because i said i liked mud wrestling. it's ironic though because the first time i took it i said i enjoyed candle light dinners and jaccuzis and i was Legolas who was self absorbed and obsessed with my looks and then i went back and saw mud wrestling (didn't notice it at first) and changed it and all of a sudden i'm a complete slob! hahaha... good times.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
woof... where do i start? i guess Merry Christmas? hahaha, but seriously, i hope it rocked for one and all out there. Christmas for me was... good. no, that's a lie. i mean, nothing horribly drastic went wrong... i got the gifts i hoped for, the food was excellent, the hanging out was sweet (err, "spicy" is the new "sweet", eh Kristeen? :) ), and it's happening all again in 2 days when my rellies from the interior come down! hurrah! erm.... i'm sorry, i'm not being sarcastic, really i'm not. i honestly DID enjoy Christmas and i seriously DO love seeing my family and doing the whole kit 'n kaboodle this time a year, but i'm so empty. gosh, i'm empty. more than that, i'm rebellious. and bitter. crap, if there's anything i hate it's when i'm bitter. my thorn has been jammed in me deep, and i guess it's hard not to notice. it's like there's such a battle that wages war in me. Jesus has one arm and Satan has the other and they argue over who gets me. and the frustrating thing is, i'm really not resisting the devil that much. because what he has to offer sometimes seems so worthwhile, so beautiful. but yuck, what an awful, disgusting thing it really is.
hmmm... i feel as though I have a lot more to say, like about daily giving 100%, making a conscious decision to live for Yeshua, and to really honestly DO the things He's placed on my heart to do... but i think i'm gonna take a shower, read le Bible, and be back. hopefully :) talk to you guys soon!
Janelle
"seek the Lord while He may be found..."
hmmm... i feel as though I have a lot more to say, like about daily giving 100%, making a conscious decision to live for Yeshua, and to really honestly DO the things He's placed on my heart to do... but i think i'm gonna take a shower, read le Bible, and be back. hopefully :) talk to you guys soon!
Janelle
"seek the Lord while He may be found..."
Thursday, December 11, 2003
help! i didn't change anything, but i no longer have comment thingers... and no more links. at least, i don't see them anywhere on my computer. i tried changing the template cuz i thought that might be it. but it's not. hmm... God let people make computers so that my patience could be tested and made strong! lol. love you muchly.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Whoa, two blogs in one day! that's simply nuts. but i wrote a poem. and it doesn't really accurately describe how i'm feeling like RIGHT now, but definately at times. so here it is! it's called Model Me.
Model Me
Why are you idols
So beautiful to me?
Gods of destruction
Scrutinous, seductive
You images without colour or soul
Why beckon the innocent into your arms?
The shapeless judgements, over shapen
You've touched the glass
Reflected your standards
To the dismay of your worshippers
With captivity you coyly skirt
About the seams
To make my worst enemy
That of myself
Hollow voices praise you (cranberried lips)
Blind, empty seekers (long lashed eyes)
I hate you
I love you
I am you
But don't you place
Dimples in my smiles
Don't dance your figures
Over our own
Sticks and stones
You sticks weighed in stones
You devour those who won't consume
Bars of guilt
Formed yet deformed
Hands on no hips
We crowned you our queen
And faithful are we
To the shadows you cast
In my mind's looking glass
Could we dethrone you?
Cut your life short
But I fear of the exile
Betrayal has promised
And so now we stay
Merely bones and some skin
And align in the army
Of crumbling manequins.
Model Me
Why are you idols
So beautiful to me?
Gods of destruction
Scrutinous, seductive
You images without colour or soul
Why beckon the innocent into your arms?
The shapeless judgements, over shapen
You've touched the glass
Reflected your standards
To the dismay of your worshippers
With captivity you coyly skirt
About the seams
To make my worst enemy
That of myself
Hollow voices praise you (cranberried lips)
Blind, empty seekers (long lashed eyes)
I hate you
I love you
I am you
But don't you place
Dimples in my smiles
Don't dance your figures
Over our own
Sticks and stones
You sticks weighed in stones
You devour those who won't consume
Bars of guilt
Formed yet deformed
Hands on no hips
We crowned you our queen
And faithful are we
To the shadows you cast
In my mind's looking glass
Could we dethrone you?
Cut your life short
But I fear of the exile
Betrayal has promised
And so now we stay
Merely bones and some skin
And align in the army
Of crumbling manequins.
Greetings all! Hmm, interesting day. We had an awesome somosas talk in Bible about who we were versus who we've become and will grow into be, and about relationships and premarital sex, and dating in high school, etc. There were some really insightful things said. It was good.
something that just came to mind is this: i haven't FELT God in a while. idon't know when i last "felt" Him. but i'm doing soooo good. so good. like, thinking about who i was before this year was hard for me to do in Bible because so much of it is so personal and emotional and still tries to grab me sometimes. But before I was so full of fear and envy and self-hate and guilt. and like, i've been praying for so long that i'd be free from all those things that lock me in those cages, and i haven't seen any drastic changes, but the minor ones are worth praising Jesus for! but yah, and i've been sitting here going "ok... i haven't really specifically HEARD from the Lord in a while or felt His presence strongly..." but i still get the sense that we're just jogging along together, enjoying the view. and that's cool! but at the same time i'm not really sure if life is just good and i'm not compeltely pressing into Christ, or if life is good because we're just enjoying each other. does that make any sense? i still have such such such a deep passion to know the Lord so much more and just to go deeper and to have big dreams and visions and to have experiences with Him and share Him with other people. It just sort of seems like some of the hype is gone. which is good? or maybe not? lol, i'm no spiritual guru. but it's more like, do you ever go to worship or youth events and just get SOOO "high" on Christ and things are so awesome, but you go home and you're physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted? i sure have before! and it doesn't really seem right. like, i'm all for meeting Jesus through song and dance and utter surrenderings and all, but it's like we work sooo hard to get soooo enthused in the church during that revival time but then go home and start getting doubts and frustrations because that same hype isn't there. i'm certainly not saying i've reached a stage in my God journey where i'm beyond the fickleness of feelings and the abstract emotions, but now things are just SO PEACEFUL. SOOO PEACEFUL. and it's just so grood! great and good! i just want to take in so much of the Spirit and bless people soo much. Like, get lost in helping others. that's where we'll find Jesus! i've certainly spent enough time judging others or being afraid of "sinners" and separating myself from those who are "bad influences on me". it's just so bull. i mean, i won't put myself in a situation where i have a strong weakness and will very easily fall into sin, but the heart of Christ seems to be at the heart of people. all people. every person. those lesbians in the mall. that ungrateful druggie by the 7-11. the ruthless money lenders. the unrepentant and the repentant. those made righteous by His blood adn those who slander His name. hey, we all are the same. sinners. sometimes i look at "unfortunate" people and try to put a face to them...like the fact that they may be a prostitute because they were nurtured poorly and were kicked out of the house, or they're forced to live on the streets because they lost all their money and no one would take them in. some of them for sure are, in the world's sense, dealt a poor hand. but we are nothing better. Jesus... you are closer to the hell-bound adulterer than you are to me because I am too proud to associate with him. please, i'm so sorry... help me never... never never ever to judge again. show me where you are, where your heart is, and let me live in that space. Let this Christmas be one of utter humility and generosity and love... and then let Christmas last all year round.
something that just came to mind is this: i haven't FELT God in a while. idon't know when i last "felt" Him. but i'm doing soooo good. so good. like, thinking about who i was before this year was hard for me to do in Bible because so much of it is so personal and emotional and still tries to grab me sometimes. But before I was so full of fear and envy and self-hate and guilt. and like, i've been praying for so long that i'd be free from all those things that lock me in those cages, and i haven't seen any drastic changes, but the minor ones are worth praising Jesus for! but yah, and i've been sitting here going "ok... i haven't really specifically HEARD from the Lord in a while or felt His presence strongly..." but i still get the sense that we're just jogging along together, enjoying the view. and that's cool! but at the same time i'm not really sure if life is just good and i'm not compeltely pressing into Christ, or if life is good because we're just enjoying each other. does that make any sense? i still have such such such a deep passion to know the Lord so much more and just to go deeper and to have big dreams and visions and to have experiences with Him and share Him with other people. It just sort of seems like some of the hype is gone. which is good? or maybe not? lol, i'm no spiritual guru. but it's more like, do you ever go to worship or youth events and just get SOOO "high" on Christ and things are so awesome, but you go home and you're physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted? i sure have before! and it doesn't really seem right. like, i'm all for meeting Jesus through song and dance and utter surrenderings and all, but it's like we work sooo hard to get soooo enthused in the church during that revival time but then go home and start getting doubts and frustrations because that same hype isn't there. i'm certainly not saying i've reached a stage in my God journey where i'm beyond the fickleness of feelings and the abstract emotions, but now things are just SO PEACEFUL. SOOO PEACEFUL. and it's just so grood! great and good! i just want to take in so much of the Spirit and bless people soo much. Like, get lost in helping others. that's where we'll find Jesus! i've certainly spent enough time judging others or being afraid of "sinners" and separating myself from those who are "bad influences on me". it's just so bull. i mean, i won't put myself in a situation where i have a strong weakness and will very easily fall into sin, but the heart of Christ seems to be at the heart of people. all people. every person. those lesbians in the mall. that ungrateful druggie by the 7-11. the ruthless money lenders. the unrepentant and the repentant. those made righteous by His blood adn those who slander His name. hey, we all are the same. sinners. sometimes i look at "unfortunate" people and try to put a face to them...like the fact that they may be a prostitute because they were nurtured poorly and were kicked out of the house, or they're forced to live on the streets because they lost all their money and no one would take them in. some of them for sure are, in the world's sense, dealt a poor hand. but we are nothing better. Jesus... you are closer to the hell-bound adulterer than you are to me because I am too proud to associate with him. please, i'm so sorry... help me never... never never ever to judge again. show me where you are, where your heart is, and let me live in that space. Let this Christmas be one of utter humility and generosity and love... and then let Christmas last all year round.
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Hey guys! You know, i think i need a crash course in blogging 101 because I simply cannot figure out how to figure out this figure out how to this out figure what this figure how out! is that how you spell figure? I think i've overspelled it and now it looks funny.
something the Lord's been once again drilling into my head: If at first I don't succeed, pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray again. but seriously, the power of prayer has totally been revealed to me recently! and just things that I thought were "little" too! I just spend an amazing night with my elementary school bestest friend and whereas we've changed and discovered new things, it was just like old times! it seems so cliche, but we sat around laughing at the past, trying to courageously discuss the future, and renew promises to stay in touch. but she left and I went up to the barn (it's pretty much a tabernacle for me... so God-filled) and prayed for her and for me to remain close to her and all. Like, my heart just cries out for her to come to know the Lord and I want to totally be a part of that. and so many other prayers answered as well... i've been thinking alot recently about "living for the moment" and how I can do that and what exactly that is. I think God's showing me that so much of it is just lots of prayer and then jumping at every single single every every every single opportunity! Nehemiah... wow, good book. read it. but the first chapter has Nehemiah as a servant in a pagan king's household. nehemiah's heart is broken because he's realized the state Jerusalem is in. the king notices his distress and calls Nee (let's call him Nee :) ) to him to talk about what the problem is. Nee was put on the spot but recognized that the king could help him get back to Jerusalem to fix up that wall. So when he's summoned, Nee quickly sends up a prayer and then jumps at the chance to put his faith in action. and what happened? well, you should read it for yourself, but it's pretty amazing stuff!
hmm, another thing that's been forefront in my soul has been the desire for pure, honest community. like, i have friends, but none of them KNOW me. like really really KNOW me. and part of that is my fears and distrust, but i don't think i really KNOW anyone either! maybe certain aspects of others and maybe some deep things, but it's become so comfortable and easier to stay surface with everyone. it's all so fake. it's all meaningless! Mr. Kennedy talked to us on Thursday in Bible about community as well, and if you've ever been though one of his more emotional lectures, you'll understand what i mean when i say i was so passionate and frustrated, encouraged and discouraged, and ready to break into tears at any moment. my thoughts are, why do we even live with other people if we're gonna push them away our whole ives? why is it that our relationship with the Lord has become so personal that it's completely impersonal? ouch. that's so big. there's definately an intimacy with Jesus that is sacred in a one-on-one relationship kind of way, but where is the brokenness and the openness and the support and the accountability? I see it no where around me. and there's an emptiness. then we went to FIA that night (there's like 10 of us from Bible class that go to FIA) and had an amazing time in our small groups. I didn't hear from the grade 11s, but the girls and guys in grade 12 just had such a blessed evening, and it was only a TASTE of true community. craziness. there's something inside of me that longs to be explored and discovered. i LOVE it when people ask me questions. why? because they take away with them something that is part of me. It's like unwrapping a gift. Merry Christmas everyone! here i am... let's get to KNOW each other.
"These people come near to Me with their mouth and honour Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is made up only of rules taught by men. THerefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent with vanish."
May the grace of our Lord be with you now and always!
something the Lord's been once again drilling into my head: If at first I don't succeed, pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray again. but seriously, the power of prayer has totally been revealed to me recently! and just things that I thought were "little" too! I just spend an amazing night with my elementary school bestest friend and whereas we've changed and discovered new things, it was just like old times! it seems so cliche, but we sat around laughing at the past, trying to courageously discuss the future, and renew promises to stay in touch. but she left and I went up to the barn (it's pretty much a tabernacle for me... so God-filled) and prayed for her and for me to remain close to her and all. Like, my heart just cries out for her to come to know the Lord and I want to totally be a part of that. and so many other prayers answered as well... i've been thinking alot recently about "living for the moment" and how I can do that and what exactly that is. I think God's showing me that so much of it is just lots of prayer and then jumping at every single single every every every single opportunity! Nehemiah... wow, good book. read it. but the first chapter has Nehemiah as a servant in a pagan king's household. nehemiah's heart is broken because he's realized the state Jerusalem is in. the king notices his distress and calls Nee (let's call him Nee :) ) to him to talk about what the problem is. Nee was put on the spot but recognized that the king could help him get back to Jerusalem to fix up that wall. So when he's summoned, Nee quickly sends up a prayer and then jumps at the chance to put his faith in action. and what happened? well, you should read it for yourself, but it's pretty amazing stuff!
hmm, another thing that's been forefront in my soul has been the desire for pure, honest community. like, i have friends, but none of them KNOW me. like really really KNOW me. and part of that is my fears and distrust, but i don't think i really KNOW anyone either! maybe certain aspects of others and maybe some deep things, but it's become so comfortable and easier to stay surface with everyone. it's all so fake. it's all meaningless! Mr. Kennedy talked to us on Thursday in Bible about community as well, and if you've ever been though one of his more emotional lectures, you'll understand what i mean when i say i was so passionate and frustrated, encouraged and discouraged, and ready to break into tears at any moment. my thoughts are, why do we even live with other people if we're gonna push them away our whole ives? why is it that our relationship with the Lord has become so personal that it's completely impersonal? ouch. that's so big. there's definately an intimacy with Jesus that is sacred in a one-on-one relationship kind of way, but where is the brokenness and the openness and the support and the accountability? I see it no where around me. and there's an emptiness. then we went to FIA that night (there's like 10 of us from Bible class that go to FIA) and had an amazing time in our small groups. I didn't hear from the grade 11s, but the girls and guys in grade 12 just had such a blessed evening, and it was only a TASTE of true community. craziness. there's something inside of me that longs to be explored and discovered. i LOVE it when people ask me questions. why? because they take away with them something that is part of me. It's like unwrapping a gift. Merry Christmas everyone! here i am... let's get to KNOW each other.
"These people come near to Me with their mouth and honour Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is made up only of rules taught by men. THerefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent with vanish."
May the grace of our Lord be with you now and always!
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Hey guys! wow, it's been a while since I was on here. I've been thinking alot about my "future" and "what I'm gonna do with my life" as well as "career options". lol, i'm not sure why exactly I put those in quotations. :) but maybe it's because I don't really take those phrases super seriously. We listened to this song in English the other day and we were supposed to analyze it. When I first heard it, it totally reminded me of like my future and all the things I want to do, but then how the fears and risks and other people's views on my dreams sorta trap me. Here are the lyrics:
Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide
Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them
Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise
I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains
Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear
Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall
And it's not like super deep, but I think that this is the time in my life when I really need to break away, but in a good way. My relationship with my rents has totally been blessed in the past 6 months or so and we've grown so much closer. it's awesome because I know that this time next year I may not be living at home and so i want to enjoy all the time I have with them. but then again, the closer I get to them the less rebellious I am towards them and the more respect I have for their decisions and hopes for me. awesome, right? yes! BUT... I think recently I've been waiting for them to kinda push me in the right direction. I have all these wonderfully amazing options in front of me but when I present them to my rents, they kinda smile and nod and encourage me to keep looking into it. Where once I would have balked and sneered at THEIR thoughts regarding MY future, I've felt almost hurt, and sorta like a floundering fish. Ha ha, ok, here's a good picture. My horse, Billie, always tries to sneak outside of the gate when it's opened and then go running around the property, eating grass and carousing with the neighbours' horses. But sometimes he'll get out when I'm at school and then spend all day running in circles around the paddock trying to get back in because the gate has closed itself behind him. He doesn't realize he's free and while it makes it easier for me to catch him, it looks quite pathetic and hilarious. I think the worst thing I could do is not do anything. Like, the Lord has put so many visions and dreams and desires in me, especially regarding options for the years after high school, and if i were to sit here stressing and being so undecisive that i choose to do nothing, that would be the biggest waste ever. so i think i'm just gonna jump into something, pray about it, and then see where He leads. someone once told me that GOd likes to steer a moving vessel. You've gotta trust Him by leaving the dock, and know that if you're headed in the wrong direction, He'll flip that rudder around and have you moving where He wants you. hm... pretty sweet stuff. This God of ours, He just keeps getting more and more amazing, hey? :)
PS. that song "Let me fall" by Josh Groban is really about Cirque de Soleil... i was kinda disappointed :)
Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide
Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them
Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise
I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains
Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear
Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall
And it's not like super deep, but I think that this is the time in my life when I really need to break away, but in a good way. My relationship with my rents has totally been blessed in the past 6 months or so and we've grown so much closer. it's awesome because I know that this time next year I may not be living at home and so i want to enjoy all the time I have with them. but then again, the closer I get to them the less rebellious I am towards them and the more respect I have for their decisions and hopes for me. awesome, right? yes! BUT... I think recently I've been waiting for them to kinda push me in the right direction. I have all these wonderfully amazing options in front of me but when I present them to my rents, they kinda smile and nod and encourage me to keep looking into it. Where once I would have balked and sneered at THEIR thoughts regarding MY future, I've felt almost hurt, and sorta like a floundering fish. Ha ha, ok, here's a good picture. My horse, Billie, always tries to sneak outside of the gate when it's opened and then go running around the property, eating grass and carousing with the neighbours' horses. But sometimes he'll get out when I'm at school and then spend all day running in circles around the paddock trying to get back in because the gate has closed itself behind him. He doesn't realize he's free and while it makes it easier for me to catch him, it looks quite pathetic and hilarious. I think the worst thing I could do is not do anything. Like, the Lord has put so many visions and dreams and desires in me, especially regarding options for the years after high school, and if i were to sit here stressing and being so undecisive that i choose to do nothing, that would be the biggest waste ever. so i think i'm just gonna jump into something, pray about it, and then see where He leads. someone once told me that GOd likes to steer a moving vessel. You've gotta trust Him by leaving the dock, and know that if you're headed in the wrong direction, He'll flip that rudder around and have you moving where He wants you. hm... pretty sweet stuff. This God of ours, He just keeps getting more and more amazing, hey? :)
PS. that song "Let me fall" by Josh Groban is really about Cirque de Soleil... i was kinda disappointed :)
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Hey again! Ok, first of all, Jess, your last blog was amazing! totally encouraging and just plain ol' sweet sauce! i woulda commented, but our lame-o conputer has a listening disorder, and yah, the dumb links aren't working too well. that's also why i haven't replied to Christine and Shay's comments on my last blog. :)
but anyway, i'm running away with myself. *yoink*... ok, i'm back! oh! do you guys wanna know why my blog's called gift of grace anyway? i mean, i guess besides the obvious, yet exhilarating fact that every day and every experience with Christ is a gift of his awesome grace, but that's what my name means. Janelle translates to "Jehovah's gracious gift" and Kristine is "Christ-bearer." I don't know if my rents knew that before they named me, but my name's taken on a whole new meaning to me. and like, in the Old testament it was a big thing to be like "oh, i struggled with my sister and won, so let's call this son Naphtali, which means 'my struggle'"... lol. i mean, your name and its meaning was everything and sometimes proved to be a prophecy of what would happen in your life. it's crazy.... names are sweet stuff!
i remember at the beginning of the year in Bible, Mr. Kennedy asked us what we thought the the single most detrimental thing the church does was. (don't quote me on quoting him, cuz he hates that :P) I had no clue then, but thinking about it today, the first thing that came to mind was idolatry. i think idols are the biggest blockages in the lives of believers and nonbelievers today for a few reasons:
1) they can be anything. ANYTHING. from living just to have fun, to boys (lol, or girls for your guys), to an ideal body shape/looks you'd kill to have, even to "spiritual" things like worshipping worship. it's all idolatry!
2) because they can be anything, it's not always black and white that what you're doing is idolizing something. Sometimes we need divine intervention to determine whether what we're doing is idolatry or if it's simply totally enjoying something to its fullest, which is a totally cool thing to do :)
3) idols have these crap-crazy ways of cementing themselves to the throne in your life that the Lord is supposed to sit on. sometimes pull as you might, those guys just DON'T COME DOWN. and even when we've given it all over to the Lord, He asks us to trust Him and He chisels away, slowly sometimes, at the image we've set up until it's nothing left but crumbs. Except before He gets there, I know I have on numerous occasions, found my crazy glue and tried to re-stick the broken pieces back to my idol. ouch. sorry Jesus!
I think i'm out of numbers as to why I think idolatry is a huge killer... i just know it is! and we've gotta be aware of the things in our life. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING should ever sit higher than God in our lives. under no circumstances! we need to be ready and willing to drop ab-so-lute-ly everything for the sake of the cross! i guess that's part of dying to yourself, which is another thing that the Lord's taking me through right now. He's like sucking the Janelle parts out and replacing them with holy, perfect God parts! kinda like an organ transplant... yah :) lol! A verse that is coming to mind is the one Jesus spoke "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust detroy and thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in HEAVEN where moths and rust cannot destroy and thieves cannot break in and steal. FOr where your treasure is, there you heart is also". i've gotta check out my treasures... the things i value, the things i put money and time into, and that's where my heart is. Oh Lord Jesus, thank you for your grace and faithfulness, cuz i've got a long way to go! :)
Tear down the borders that I have built
Crush the walls, stone by stone
Destroy my resistance that I hold so strong
It's just You and me alone
Till it's just You and me alone...
but anyway, i'm running away with myself. *yoink*... ok, i'm back! oh! do you guys wanna know why my blog's called gift of grace anyway? i mean, i guess besides the obvious, yet exhilarating fact that every day and every experience with Christ is a gift of his awesome grace, but that's what my name means. Janelle translates to "Jehovah's gracious gift" and Kristine is "Christ-bearer." I don't know if my rents knew that before they named me, but my name's taken on a whole new meaning to me. and like, in the Old testament it was a big thing to be like "oh, i struggled with my sister and won, so let's call this son Naphtali, which means 'my struggle'"... lol. i mean, your name and its meaning was everything and sometimes proved to be a prophecy of what would happen in your life. it's crazy.... names are sweet stuff!
i remember at the beginning of the year in Bible, Mr. Kennedy asked us what we thought the the single most detrimental thing the church does was. (don't quote me on quoting him, cuz he hates that :P) I had no clue then, but thinking about it today, the first thing that came to mind was idolatry. i think idols are the biggest blockages in the lives of believers and nonbelievers today for a few reasons:
1) they can be anything. ANYTHING. from living just to have fun, to boys (lol, or girls for your guys), to an ideal body shape/looks you'd kill to have, even to "spiritual" things like worshipping worship. it's all idolatry!
2) because they can be anything, it's not always black and white that what you're doing is idolizing something. Sometimes we need divine intervention to determine whether what we're doing is idolatry or if it's simply totally enjoying something to its fullest, which is a totally cool thing to do :)
3) idols have these crap-crazy ways of cementing themselves to the throne in your life that the Lord is supposed to sit on. sometimes pull as you might, those guys just DON'T COME DOWN. and even when we've given it all over to the Lord, He asks us to trust Him and He chisels away, slowly sometimes, at the image we've set up until it's nothing left but crumbs. Except before He gets there, I know I have on numerous occasions, found my crazy glue and tried to re-stick the broken pieces back to my idol. ouch. sorry Jesus!
I think i'm out of numbers as to why I think idolatry is a huge killer... i just know it is! and we've gotta be aware of the things in our life. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING should ever sit higher than God in our lives. under no circumstances! we need to be ready and willing to drop ab-so-lute-ly everything for the sake of the cross! i guess that's part of dying to yourself, which is another thing that the Lord's taking me through right now. He's like sucking the Janelle parts out and replacing them with holy, perfect God parts! kinda like an organ transplant... yah :) lol! A verse that is coming to mind is the one Jesus spoke "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust detroy and thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in HEAVEN where moths and rust cannot destroy and thieves cannot break in and steal. FOr where your treasure is, there you heart is also". i've gotta check out my treasures... the things i value, the things i put money and time into, and that's where my heart is. Oh Lord Jesus, thank you for your grace and faithfulness, cuz i've got a long way to go! :)
Tear down the borders that I have built
Crush the walls, stone by stone
Destroy my resistance that I hold so strong
It's just You and me alone
Till it's just You and me alone...
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Worship. golly, so much comes into my mind when i hear that word. The Lord's been teaching me a lot about worship recently. in fact, i've talked to a few others and they've been learning more about it too, which is sweet sauce! one of the main things for me is just utter, soul-wrenching, deep-down, 101% pure love. I'm reading I Corinthians right now, and a couple nights ago I read chapter 13. familiar, yes, but exhilarating too! so i hope this isn't sacreligious in some sort of way, but let's replace the word "love" with the word "worship" for verses 4-8.
"Worship is patient. Worship is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Worship does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Worship never fails."
Wow. If I lived like that, worshipped like that... well, it sure would have an impact those in contact with me! now if the church lived like that, worshipped like that.... dear sweet beans, what a mind-boggling thought!
God is love! amen? so put His name in there:
"Jehovah is patient. Jehovah is kind. He does not envy. He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. The Lord does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails."
And this is the God of the Spirit inside us, inside me! As I said before, mind-boggling and super duper impactful!!! Praise the Lord!
"Worship is patient. Worship is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Worship does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Worship never fails."
Wow. If I lived like that, worshipped like that... well, it sure would have an impact those in contact with me! now if the church lived like that, worshipped like that.... dear sweet beans, what a mind-boggling thought!
God is love! amen? so put His name in there:
"Jehovah is patient. Jehovah is kind. He does not envy. He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. The Lord does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails."
And this is the God of the Spirit inside us, inside me! As I said before, mind-boggling and super duper impactful!!! Praise the Lord!
Whew, is the rain ever coming down! There's so much about rain that reminds me of Jesus. maybe because rain is the most thought-provoking and emotional weather-type for me :) either way, it's raining in my soul right now. and that's a good thing!
the fish are spawning at the moment and we have rivers that run along both sides of our road and all the way down to 216th. it REEKS of rotting fish. and that smell will stay until the fish are fishined, i mean finished their thing, have died, and a there's a heavy rain fall to sweep 'em all off to the ocean. I remember last year we didn't get a heavy rain until JANUARY. that's a whole 2 months of stinky fish. hopefully this year they won't last around here as long. besides, my dog finds them sweet nectar of life, and that's just wrong.
now's the time for that mighty rain. the time where things look bleak, cold, and univiting, but the result? renewal! the time where the Lord's saying to me "hold onto something... like that Rock! yah, He's my Son.. grab him, cuz here come the big waves!" and woooooooooooosh, just like them stinkin', rotten, scaly corpses, once again He faithfully washes away the dead. and then comes new life!
What's really cool about the fish spawning is how they travel UPstream to where they were born to make it easier for their offspring once they've hatched. It's like we've got to go back to our Creator before the newness can arrive. Sometimes with the stench I forget about what's to come. lots of mini fish! new creations! tons of them! and God said It Is Good.
the fish are spawning at the moment and we have rivers that run along both sides of our road and all the way down to 216th. it REEKS of rotting fish. and that smell will stay until the fish are fishined, i mean finished their thing, have died, and a there's a heavy rain fall to sweep 'em all off to the ocean. I remember last year we didn't get a heavy rain until JANUARY. that's a whole 2 months of stinky fish. hopefully this year they won't last around here as long. besides, my dog finds them sweet nectar of life, and that's just wrong.
now's the time for that mighty rain. the time where things look bleak, cold, and univiting, but the result? renewal! the time where the Lord's saying to me "hold onto something... like that Rock! yah, He's my Son.. grab him, cuz here come the big waves!" and woooooooooooosh, just like them stinkin', rotten, scaly corpses, once again He faithfully washes away the dead. and then comes new life!
What's really cool about the fish spawning is how they travel UPstream to where they were born to make it easier for their offspring once they've hatched. It's like we've got to go back to our Creator before the newness can arrive. Sometimes with the stench I forget about what's to come. lots of mini fish! new creations! tons of them! and God said It Is Good.
Friday, November 14, 2003
Oh dear sweet pickles, this whole blogging thing is way over me head! golly, it took me sooo long to find this page! hahaha, but anyway. Haha, first of all, I have to tell you guys something that happened in chapel this morning. Ev Shroeder was the speaker and she was talking about hearing the voice of God. She mentioned something about how Jesus is the shepherd and his sheep know his voice. At the end she led us in a listening prayer... she was like "ok, everyone ask God what he thinks about you and see what he says."
God was like "you're not a sheep, you're a goat!"
ok, so the first thing that comes into my mind? that song that goes "sheep go to heaven... goats go to hell"
i was like "what the crack am I smoking?"
God says: "No no, you're a goat, my little mountaineer. Keep climbing this God mountain"
it was pretty radical. and hilarious.
I think the best thing for me to do every morning is to open my eyes and say "It's not about me" before i even get out of bed. and then do some sweet action praying that i'd remember that throughout the day!
dudes, something that the Lord's been teaching to me is the importance of being vulnerable. just recently i've recognized how closed off i've become to so many people, even my tight friends. there's such a freedom that comes with being real tho. this is JR, signing out for now. over and out mes amis.
God was like "you're not a sheep, you're a goat!"
ok, so the first thing that comes into my mind? that song that goes "sheep go to heaven... goats go to hell"
i was like "what the crack am I smoking?"
God says: "No no, you're a goat, my little mountaineer. Keep climbing this God mountain"
it was pretty radical. and hilarious.
I think the best thing for me to do every morning is to open my eyes and say "It's not about me" before i even get out of bed. and then do some sweet action praying that i'd remember that throughout the day!
dudes, something that the Lord's been teaching to me is the importance of being vulnerable. just recently i've recognized how closed off i've become to so many people, even my tight friends. there's such a freedom that comes with being real tho. this is JR, signing out for now. over and out mes amis.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
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