hey folks,
jEF, i can't seem to post on your blog for some reason. but i loved your yesterday's entry. totally what i've been feeling... just wanting to experience completely everything in this world. to see the footprints our Creator made when He danced His Spirit over this earth. remarkable.
Man, today was an interesting day. to be perfectly honest, it sucked. I've always commented that i'd way rather be physically broken than emotionally broken, but today's horrendous back, neck, and leg pain could have rallied its way up there with heartaches and that sorta stuff. and then i went to the doctor's (for a different reason than the aches I had during the day) and i found out that i have a heart murmer and maybe some other stuff. It's like, just before I leave on this outdoor adventure wilderness challenging athletic program in less than a month my body takes a brutal beating. And then I have to go for x-rays, blood tests, a echo thing, and an ultrasound. i've been praying that God would give me too much to handle so that I HAVE to rely on Him. i've got a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease. and once again He's reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12... Paul's thorn in his flesh. May I learn to delight in these trials. Me of little faith...
..."To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Hey all. so this is what happens when i haven't blogged in a while. i do one and then 2 hours later i'm all like "ooh, i have more to add!" and do another one. so bear with me :)
So we took these personality tests last year and this past year in school and in gr. 11 i was all like "they can't put me in a box!" and "this won't tell me who i am!" and all that jazz. and then i ate my words as the results pretty much summed me up! it was hilarious. but not that a personality test can tell you who you are because it CAN'T, but the point is I went back and read the long blurb again a couple weeks back and i was like, "shoot, i AM like that, aren't i?". and one of the things that God's been teaching me is that I have put too much faith in people. now don't get me wrong, I love people and i think we were meant to live in community and bless each other and work with each other and hold each other accountable. but i think i've been in the wrong by holding people up to standards that no one can meet except Jesus and then being bloody let down because of it. I know in my life that i've let down every person I know and that every person I know has let me down. and that's how it's gonna be, unfortunately. but yah, Jesus has just accentuated the reason as to why HE needs to be the one to fulfill me and not merely my friends because although they are wonderful, they won't ever know me completely or be able to speak to me exactly as i need it or fill that void. and i think i've also thought that my husband will do that too. that He'll be like Jesus to me. that He'll fulfill all my deepest longings and desires and dreams and He'll say the right things and do the right things and just make me complete. wrong! ouch. poor guy. I long for people to ask questions of me, I long to be known and loved and to know and to love, but i need to see people as they are: sinful and struggling. just as i am. just as we all are. there's a chasm in me that i've tried to fill with so much that isn't Christ and recently it's been friends. and know what i've discovered? i have some pretty kick-booty friends! i honestly am SO blessed and encouraged by so so so many people! but i need to stop asking them to complete me. it's certainly not fair to them (eep, sorry guys!) and it's not their place to fulfill me. So a hearty YEE-HAW out there to all you guys who have been so amazing and patient and loving with me, and know that I deeply love and appreciate you all so very much; and to You, Lord... again, I'm sorry. may I never let another take Your place in me again.
you guys all are my superheroes... but Jesus is the most super :)
So we took these personality tests last year and this past year in school and in gr. 11 i was all like "they can't put me in a box!" and "this won't tell me who i am!" and all that jazz. and then i ate my words as the results pretty much summed me up! it was hilarious. but not that a personality test can tell you who you are because it CAN'T, but the point is I went back and read the long blurb again a couple weeks back and i was like, "shoot, i AM like that, aren't i?". and one of the things that God's been teaching me is that I have put too much faith in people. now don't get me wrong, I love people and i think we were meant to live in community and bless each other and work with each other and hold each other accountable. but i think i've been in the wrong by holding people up to standards that no one can meet except Jesus and then being bloody let down because of it. I know in my life that i've let down every person I know and that every person I know has let me down. and that's how it's gonna be, unfortunately. but yah, Jesus has just accentuated the reason as to why HE needs to be the one to fulfill me and not merely my friends because although they are wonderful, they won't ever know me completely or be able to speak to me exactly as i need it or fill that void. and i think i've also thought that my husband will do that too. that He'll be like Jesus to me. that He'll fulfill all my deepest longings and desires and dreams and He'll say the right things and do the right things and just make me complete. wrong! ouch. poor guy. I long for people to ask questions of me, I long to be known and loved and to know and to love, but i need to see people as they are: sinful and struggling. just as i am. just as we all are. there's a chasm in me that i've tried to fill with so much that isn't Christ and recently it's been friends. and know what i've discovered? i have some pretty kick-booty friends! i honestly am SO blessed and encouraged by so so so many people! but i need to stop asking them to complete me. it's certainly not fair to them (eep, sorry guys!) and it's not their place to fulfill me. So a hearty YEE-HAW out there to all you guys who have been so amazing and patient and loving with me, and know that I deeply love and appreciate you all so very much; and to You, Lord... again, I'm sorry. may I never let another take Your place in me again.
you guys all are my superheroes... but Jesus is the most super :)
Hey folks! It's been a while, hey? I keep learning new things and being all like "wooo, i should put that on my blog!" and then forgetting or running out of time. But here i am, finally!
So my new quest? Discover what God's justice looks like and then to live it. Seriously, every sermon, every passage, every little diddly that i've heard recently has been about justice. it's crazy, but so cool. and i'm reading in Isaiah, which "coincidentally" (yah right) is all about justice too! And i guess i've always known that Yahweh is just and all, but if you asked me to make a list of the qualities of Jesus i'd start with loving, father-like, compassionate, faithful, teacher, brother, etc. and i'd put "just" on there, but I've never really seen the Lord as a judge, or displaying righteous justice, even though that's what He does. So i'm not sure if He's revealing more of His nature to me in all these scriptures and messages about being just, or if maybe He wants me to really delve into what it means to be quick to rush to bring justice to the circumstances around me. I just don't really know... But it's got me thinking... I mean, I don't really totally completely know yet what I want to do with my life. I have dozens of dreams and have been asking for more, but something that recently popped into my mind was bringing justice to the oppressed. literally. i mean actually. or whatever :) but seriously, to like be a lawyer for those who can't afford lawyers. for those who are already sentenced to death. for those who can't speak up for themselves or are outcasts in society and branded as a "drain on the population." that, my friends, who be soooo awesome. But i'm not sure if that's what He wants me to do. Oh, and reading Isaiah 58 and 59... i won't write them all out, but they are AMAZING. no joke, READ THEM. it's so big! Here's Isaiah 58:
True Fasting
1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say, 'and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?' "Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD , and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
enough said.
So my new quest? Discover what God's justice looks like and then to live it. Seriously, every sermon, every passage, every little diddly that i've heard recently has been about justice. it's crazy, but so cool. and i'm reading in Isaiah, which "coincidentally" (yah right) is all about justice too! And i guess i've always known that Yahweh is just and all, but if you asked me to make a list of the qualities of Jesus i'd start with loving, father-like, compassionate, faithful, teacher, brother, etc. and i'd put "just" on there, but I've never really seen the Lord as a judge, or displaying righteous justice, even though that's what He does. So i'm not sure if He's revealing more of His nature to me in all these scriptures and messages about being just, or if maybe He wants me to really delve into what it means to be quick to rush to bring justice to the circumstances around me. I just don't really know... But it's got me thinking... I mean, I don't really totally completely know yet what I want to do with my life. I have dozens of dreams and have been asking for more, but something that recently popped into my mind was bringing justice to the oppressed. literally. i mean actually. or whatever :) but seriously, to like be a lawyer for those who can't afford lawyers. for those who are already sentenced to death. for those who can't speak up for themselves or are outcasts in society and branded as a "drain on the population." that, my friends, who be soooo awesome. But i'm not sure if that's what He wants me to do. Oh, and reading Isaiah 58 and 59... i won't write them all out, but they are AMAZING. no joke, READ THEM. it's so big! Here's Isaiah 58:
True Fasting
1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say, 'and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?' "Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD , and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
enough said.
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