So classes are done for the winter... it's wierd. Our speaker this week, Hugo Reimer (yep, another Menno! lol!), was really good. he didn't say anything revolutionary, but he just reiterated old truths, and i think i super needed to hear them. It was really challenging and encouraging!

ok, so guess what? it started snowing in the middle of the night last night (yes, i know this because i packed up my sleeping bag for Canmore and was sleeping between 2 super thin sheet-blankets, like the ones they give you in travel trailers and on airplanes and i woke up FREEZING because our window was opened. and so i found more blankets and went to bed. :)) and the snow hasn't stopped falling since! it's GORGEOUS! just sorta flurries and stuff, but we've got a good 2-3 inches. and we went on a hay wagon ride today, pulled by 2 black Percherons, Dan and Doyle. It was awesome... we through each other off the wagons and dragged the camp cats along with us. super fun!

they have this video projector that we've been using for the past couple nights and the screen is HUGE! like, the wall is, i mean. we project the video up onto the wall and it's (no joke) the same size as a theatre screen! so we prop ourselves against these slanted upside-down pews in our sleeping bags and watch. tonight they are watching Return of the King, but i opted out cuz it won't be done until 2:30 am and we have to be up by 7:30 and i've been tired in the past couple days. but just the whole concept is awesome!

the staff here at Camp Evergreen through us a HUGE Christmas banquet for tonight! it was a delicious three-course meal with candles and decorations and amazingness. we were all dressed up too, so that was cool.

tomorrow morn we're leaving for Canmore, snowboarding on Monday, and hanging out in Banff and/or Canmore tomorrow and Tuesday. Then i fly home! ican't wait to see all you. It's sad to leave these guys though, for sure.

I know I never write about what i've been learning and that i make Outtatown out to be this slacker vacation, but really i HAVE learned tons and the school is worth its weight in gold, i swear. I was looking back through my journal and assignment book tonight and was like, "whoa... i should blog some of this stuff!" cuz it's totally where i'm at. but i'm not gonna do that now... talk to me about it when i get home :) love to you all! pray for snow in the lower mainland!

Hey! Wow, this week has been so super long so far! There's just been tons of stuff that we've tried to cram into each day that we don't feel like we've actually left class! BUT today was a bit different... i started knitting! wohoo! it's long and tedious, but fun. and class was super good... Hugo talked about worrying and about what the Lord's been revealing to us recently. so cool. :)

Geoff has fimo and so he and me and Dee (woo, it all rhymes!) made earrings and rings for ourselves and then for others as they came by to make orders. I made some pretty funky ones.. and candy cane earrings! i'm deciding to not stretch my ears any bigger.

and then after dinner we went into Sundre and went carolling! it was awesome! we went to an old folk's home and the IGA and a sports bar and a coffee shop and a "Granny's Kitchen"... and to some people's homes. I loved it :) we were supposed to have worship tonight also, but people are getting SO tired and probably woulda lasted a couple hours, and i think we just all needed a night to chill. so we'll do worship (our last one this semester! *sniff!*) tomorrow after class. I think we're watching a dvd on the projector in the Activity Center now, so i'm gonna go. XO XO
see you next week!
Janal

Hey! wow, today was awesome fun.
We had class and talked about the importance of small groups. It was very encouraging! then we played on the ice (which is covered in an inch of snow). And then we played football and i took a kidney shot. it was painful, but envigorating. THEN! (drumroll) we spent a long time getting dressed up and went into the town of Sundre to the KickBack Cafe which we rented out for super cheap and got coffee and jet tea and pop and sung karaoke! It was a blast. the only bummer was that we had to leave by 9:45 and we coulda kept singing past midnight. but THEN we came back to Evergreen and ate gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, shortbread, chocolate dipped double chocolate cookies, candy, fudge, chips and salsa and pop. it was awesome. we have so much food left over still, which makes it even more awesome. and we did Secret Santas! AND I GOT YARN! WOHOO! seriously, over 1/2 the group knits and/or crochets and i am DETERMINED to learn BEFORE the first semester is done (er... that gives me about 7 days) and the yarn is a rosy pink... and Megan is giving me her extra pair of knitting needles! and she'll teach me tomorrow (she's reading this over my shoulder... there's literally NO privacy here--i love it! :) ) ahh! i'm picking up peoples anurisms! i mean MANNERISMS. it's hilarious. ooo, and i got a precious moments Christmas colouring book and crayons.. and the book came with sparkly stickers!!! i was so excited.
I'm reading though Zechariah right now, and beans, it's seriously SO cool. I recommend everyone to read it.
that was my inspirational thought for the day. no joke, i cannot be profound on my blog anymore. but i will! i promise! this will be once again transformed into Deep Thoughts By Janelle Kristine once I have a place of peace, quiet, and privacy again. But by that time i may shoot myself for lack of people. seriously, HOW am i supposed to sleep when I get home at Christmas with NO ONE else in my room? I have not slept anywhere by myself for ... ages. i love it. but i don't know what i'll do with myself when i get home. and i have 14 sisters here... with huge wardrobes! we all share clothes! it's brilliant! but i know i'll come home and be like, "where are all my freaking clothes? oh right, they all belong to Xena and Katie and Pan. right."

oh! tomorrow we're making GINGERBREAD HOUSES with our small groups. I am SO excited! I've been asking Jodie (my small group leader) since october if we could make gingerbread houses in December and tomorrow's december and we are! hurrah!

well. it's nearly 1:00 am. and it's Megan's turn on. see you in a week! loves to all.
PS. Paul: get better. get off crutches. hit that loser harder next time. i believe in you. will i make a bad hockey mom one day? hope not. love you.

Hey!
ok, so girl's week is over. we bought our men (all 7 of them) flowers and chocolate and sent them to Camp Evergreen with our female leader when we had the leader switch. The guys loved it, so us girls loved it.

oh my goodness, my friend Geoff is writing his speaker report right now and he asked me and Megan and Xena what we would do if we had one week where we could be a guy. I figure that I'd pee on trees and write my name in the snow, grow facial hair, and walk around without my shirt on. anyway...

ok, so yesterday a couple of us went to the gym in Sundre and then to the IGA to buy ingredients to bake stuff for the Christmas party. and then the people at camp told us that there's a cougar about! So today me and Jeffrey went and followed its tracks. but we couldn't find it. bummer. oh! and the river is (partially) frozen and Niki was running across it and fell through. but only got wet up to her thigh. it was hilarious though. and then tonight me and Laura made gingerbread cookie dough to bake tomorrow for our Christmas party on Tuesday! hurrah! i hope it'll be awesome. we're doing Secret Santa. all i want from my secret santa is crochet or knitting needles and yarn. EVERYONE here knits. and i want to too. i got my Secret Santa a elastic band wooden gun from Banff. His name is Kevin and he looks like one of the Sedin twins from the Canucks. and when he was a kid his dad gave him and his brothers guns, but his mom made them eat EVERYTHING they killed (as an incentive to not shoot random creatures). but he's had squirrel pot pie and stuff... gross.

Ok, so our speaker, Hugo Reimer (yay! another Menno :)) arrived tonight and we invited him to play Clue with us ("us" being Katie, Xena, Geoff, Niki, and meeee). So we explained the rules and passed out the cards and started. and it was great! Except that we realized at the end that we were only playing with 17 of the 21 cards. bahh! it was so funny though because we all were CERTAIN that we KNEW who done it, with what, and where, but we were all so so wrong.

what else? hmm.. i'm coming home on Wednesday December 8th at 12:13 pm at the Abbotsford airport. if you wanna come, i'd LOVE to have you! wohoo! anyway, it's Katherine Elizabeth Butz's time on the internet. so i should go. and go to bed too. later tater tots!

Insanely Spaztic kittens and stomach uldulations...

Happy American thanksgiving (we've 4 Staters on our site) and... a month to Christmas!

yes, ok, so there are 5 wild kittens here (here as in at Sylvan Lake. we leave to go back to Evergreen tomorrow). and the kittens are ADORABLE! oh my goodness! some of them are so hairy they are just these little POOFs! i love them! well anyway, they hide under this porch thing. BUT there's this small hole in the porch! so 2 weeks ago Pan was like, "Janal, go under the porch and catch the kitties!" so i was all like, "ok!" and so i went under there TWICE in a day, but both times couldn't even see them because it was so dark. so i saw them suntanning today and ran to get Panny and a container of milk. there was no milk, so i broke some creamers into a plastic bowl and put it right by the porch and then lay on my belly so i could watch for when they came out and then yoink the kitties up when they came out. and it worked! but the first kitten scratched me and got away. then i waited 5 more minutes and 2 more came out! and i snatched one up. and HOLY FRUIT BAT, i have NEVER heard a cat, let alone a wee little kitten, screech SO bloody loud! it was insane! and she was VICIOUS! i wore 5 band-aids all day after that. it was freaking hilarious. i hope you can't catch rabies from feral kittens. i still think they are adorable tho.

guess what we did tonight? we had a lady come in and teach us belly dancing! it was AWESOME! i realized that i don't really have the hips to "shake it", but it was so much fun at the same time. so now i can salsa dance, belly dance, and gangsta dance! wohoo! apparently I have a "dance face" that i always put on, even when we're just goofing around inside dancing. i swear it's not true.

so girl's week was REALLY good. i played poker (texas hold'em) last night for a while with fruit loops as chips. and yesterday all the girls sat down and made a list of 40 questions that we wanted to ask our guys. then we emailed those Q's to the boys at Evergreen and they did the same thing and emailed us Q's! and then we answered them today and our leaders switched camps to go and present the answers. it was really cool and informative!

i'm not sure what i'm doing this weekend... hopefully we'll head into Calgary. I wouldn't be opposed to going to Canmore or Banff, but we've been there 4 times already and we'll be staying there next weekend (gah! our last weekend!), so it'd be nice to have a change. i might just stay at Evergreen, but that might not be fun.

oh my goodness. i just realized that i haven't yet had ONE SINGLE DAY where I haven't gone out or had class or something else planned. other people have opted out of weekend things and stayed at the camps, but i haven't. i bet i'd seriously go insane. it'd be a good time to work on my songs... but at the same time, i don't think i'd like it. hmm, and there's no point in starting now either. especially considering that we only have 13 days left together, so i want to DO things with people the whole time. yep. that's what i'll do then.

Wow, i was reading in Proverbs 30 today and there were 2 verses that really stuck out:
"Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give meonly my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, "Who is the Lord?" Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonour the name of my God."
It's crazy because I've always SAID, "oh, i don't care about money, blah blah", but i think i really do have a selfish i-need-to-be-very-comfortable-when-i-grow-up mindset. i think i'm gonna challenge myself to pray these verses into my life. hmmm... i find it very hard to be insightful when i'm on a time schedule for the internet! haha! ask me questions when i get home, or email me, and i'll tell you more of what i'm learning. my hearts you.

alrighty! so we're back at Sylvan Lake for Girl's Week with Site 2. The Site 2 guys met up with our guys at Evergreen in Sundre for this week too. It's been fun... the girls are super nice. there's about 40 females in one place, which would be insane if a spat were to break out, but things have been extremely sane. so that rocks :)

I went snowboarding on the weekend! it was awesome. except my board's bindings are bologna! sooooo crappy. BUT Xena says that she has bindings that i can HAVE! she never ever uses them and so she's giving them to me, which is doubly awesome because she used to have the exact same board boots as i do and they were specially fitted for them. hurrah! her bindings are in Saskatoon though, so i won't get them until after Christmas. unless... hm... maybe i could pay her to have them shipped. we'll see, we'll see :)

So tomorrow is the official "we only have 2 weeks left together" point and it's sad. I don't really feel like i've learned THAT much since i've been here. I mean, it's be awesome and i've made tons of friends and had some amazing fun times and God times. but at the same time (wow, i've overused that word! let's see how many more times I can use the word time in this blog) i don't feel like there was one speaker that really impacted me exponentially, or changed my life, like lots of the people here have said is so in their time here. But maybe i have learned lots, but just haven't had the time or motivation to sit down and process it. that's probably the case. I was talking to kristine (one of my leaders) today about it during our PMG and she was just saying that for most of the students, the huge growth happens in Guatemala because we're FORCED to grow up and be independent from the time we get there pretty much. so i'm nervous and excited at the same time.

during quiet time today i did this thing that Danica and Kjer told me about that the people at H2O (or whatever it's called now) have been doing: taking a 20 minute time block and sitting and just listening to the Lord. it was cool. nothing revolutionary, but it was cool to see the thoughts that i think about most often and what naturally comes to mind when i spend time alone and such. and God had some really great things to say also, so it was time well spent. i think i'll try to do that every day from now on too. But maybe not during quiet time because it's one of the times during the day where people really aren't as quiet as you'd expect them to be! haha!

The speaker this week, Susanna Muntz, is doing an extra, optional session tonight in an hour's time regarding some misunderstood passages in the Bible regarding the women of the Bible times. I am not sure if i am gonna go. a bunch of people are watching "Romeo and Juliet" but i honestly HATE Leo DiCaprio and i don't want to spend tons of time in front of the TV. oooh, side note: Alias is done. it ended HORRIBLY! i guess they make season finales completely whacked out so that we can't WAIT and by the time the next season starts, we're pretty much pulling down the wall paper to see it. but yes, so uncertain if i'll go to class tonight or not.

we have to present the city of Antigua, Guatemala in a week's time ("we" being Katie, Pan and I) in Spanish class and we can't find anything on the internet! which is what i'm supposed to be doing right now. it's technically not even my internet time, but the girl who's signed up isn't even here. but i should go anyway and pretend to be studious. until next time!
Janelle
Good music: Jack Johnson (On and On), anything Christmasey! wohoo!
Number of times I used the word "time" (including this time!) in this blog: 24

howdy from the snowy (yep, SNOWY!) Sundre! It snowed last night! wohoo! really only like... MAYBE an inch. but hey! snow is snow is snow!

today is our service day here. I'm building a fence! in the snow. oh jolly good fun times. actually, i'm sure it will be a blast. i'm just currently making a mental list of all the many clothes I should put on.

Wow, ok, so we had probably the biggest breakthrough in worship last night! We wanted to focus on encouragement, so me and Joel just played a couple songs and then we all sat in a circle and we'd pick on one person, say all the cool stuff about them, and then pray for them. needless to say, after 2 hours of that, we weren't even quite halfway through the group. so we decided to finish it the next night (tonight). and then the group wanted to sing more songs, but Joel and I hadn't even really practised anything together this week because it was so busy, but they just started throwing songs out at us that they wanted to hear, and we just shrugged and started playing... and it went for over an hour like that! it was awesomely awesome.
and then we watched Alias.

Hmm... what else to say? We're going horseback riding after the service project today! yay! in the snow! wohoo! oh, but lots of people have been getting strangely sick. like where they feel totally fine and then all of the sudden their stomachs cramp up and they just... get sick. it's really odd because they have no other symptoms. and it's been going on for a few days. so hopefully/prayerfully it's nothing serious and they get better soon. well, i must be off!
PS. Thanks for my package, Nicole! you rock my socks.

you guys have no idea how many hair dyings and piercings and salon-style stuff has been going on these past couple months! 10 of us 21 have gotten new piercings (um... and 5 of them were self-done by.. us. but they turned out good! haha! and we've all got these new fimo-made earrings that are just a bit bigger than regular gauge holes so we've got these minorly stretched holes.) i've dyed 3 people's hair... hairs... whatever! :) it's quite fun. i'm worried that the whole group will become addicted to the smell of hair dye because we always choose to do it in the small, confined areas of the camp where we all hang out. whacked out.
OH! i gave you guys the wrong postal code for Evergreen! :S it's T0M 1X0. but i'm sure it'll still get here if you use the one i gave you.
out small group is going to Calgary tomorrow to go rock climbing! hurrah! i LOVE climbing! it's gonna rock! and this weekend we get to go to Lake Louise to snowboard and then i'll hang out in Banff/Canmore. and then we're moving back to Sunnyside for girl's week. then we come back here.
we played mafia tonight and then i introduced Psychiatrist. it was simply hilarious :) hmm.. what else? there are horses here! they're all so fuzzy. makes me miss Billie. i think we get to go trail riding on Friday. wohoo! we also have a service day on Friday. i'm not sure what we'll have to do. it's supposed to snow on Thursday! that'd rock, but service outside the next morning would be CHILLAGE! i'm always thinking about my temperature... i'm such a wuss when it comes to being cold! Dad's been telling me that for years... lol :)
OH! our website pictures are up! or at least a good handful of them are. here's the link right to our site: http://www.outtatown.com/04site1/ anyway, it's super late. i should go to bed. see you all later!
Nicole: i can't wait for the package! you're my hero! :)
Shannon, JessL, Christine... thanks for commenting on these things! can't wait to see you all in Dec. ciao for now.

Soooo... we went to Banff today! It was completely unproductive. We walked around... tried to get free fudge samples but they were out at the places that usually have them. boo for that. my friend, Pan, was going to dye her hair from DARK brown to white-blonde in Banff and I was all excited to live vicariously through her, but... it woulda taken almost 3 hours and they couldn't fit her into their schedule where it worked out with our schedule. So she'll do it next weekend. OH! we're not in Sylvan Lake anymore. we're at Camp Evergreen, in Sundre, AB. So if you want to write to me here (*wink wink*) I'll be located at:
Janelle Robinson
c/o Outtatown
Box 492
Sundre, AB
T0X 1X0

yes. so next weekend we've the option to go to Lake Louise and Canmore and Banff. i think i'll go and stay overnight. pray for snow! Cuz i'd like to snowboard at least one of the days :) we only have 3 more weeks here! But there's SO much more stuff that we want to do here! Next week we're back at Sunnyside for girl's week with the Site 2 girls. and then the next week we're back here. and then we're in Canmore for our ski days. wow, that's nuts. so soon! i miss you all so much tho, but things rock here. anyways, i wrote a song today on the way back from banff and then put chords to it. :) here goes!

Writer's Block
Is it lack of inspiration
Or half-hearted motivation?
The room is too cold
I'm sick of playing in this key
My lyrics are blank
Have I lost the creativity?
Or is it just me?

It couldn't be that I've nothing
To sing about
Hope it's just a temporary drought

My guitar is glaring
And I'm still staring
At this blank page
I've an overwhelming feeling
Of frustration, sends me reeling

It's not fair
That my artistic outlet
Takes sickdays and holidays

So I've been praying for a couple weeks that God would challenge me at school. The speakers have rocked, but so much of what they've said I've previously wrestled with or have heard before. and our group is SO QUIET when it comes to classroom studies, so we never have discussions, ever.

So i had an inspiration: Maybe God IS challenging me, just not in the ways I expected. There's a time when we can only take in so much intellectual facts and spiritual insights, and then it becomes time to LIVE what we've sponged up.

And that time is now. Gah, i can't believe how long it takes me to figure these things out sometimes. for the love...

But anyway, now that the Lord's said this to me, I can look at this week and see that He's TOTALLY doing just that--challenging me to lead worship by myself (which i'm doing tomorrow and am totally nervous), challenging me to pray for and with people, to improve my piano skills, to exercise my spiritual giftings, to go and do stuff with the people i don't usually hang with, and to really live interdependently in this community. He's challenging me to take His words and then bloody go and DO THEM.
[*sorry, Dad, but there's a time and place for a little stronger language :) ]

It's ridiculously obvious after examining what i just said that i've been satisfied with the fact that "growing in my faith" has been little more than gaining more biblical knowledge, scientific evidence of Jesus's lifre, and cute one-liners that deserve to be printed on bumper stickers. Boo!

So the huge Q for me has been: do I really KNOW God? Or do I just know the Bible stories and the answers to questions?

The first and greatest command is what? To love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all you SOUL and with all your MIND. How can i Love GOd with all my emotions? That's the easy one for me... I'm emotional, I believe God is emotional, so it's easy for me to joyfully, anguishly, passionately, and intensely live out my love for God. but how do I go about loving Him with my intellect and knowledge and wisdom? And then my soul: my personality, my character, the essence of my being? Does ALL that's within me praise the Lord? All aspects of who I am, whether logical or physical or emotional or rational or whatever?

There's alot that's been going on that's taught me the importance of really NEEDING others in community and to live for them. It's no longer about me! My friend, Megan, politely warned me this morning that my roomie in "Real University" as she put it will NOT put up with my alarm clock going off as much as mine does before i actually wake up and turn the snooze button right to "Off". Ok, sure, my alarm does go off every 4 minutes (which is more than any other i've owned),... so i'll work on that one :)
But seriously, it's no longer about me. It's biblical to be dependent on one another! Not post-modern, that's for sure, but it's Jesus. I gotta go to small group. love you all so much!
Isaiah 66:2
Good music: Pedro the Lion, "Beautiful" CD by Brian Doerksen.

"A voice of one calling in the desert,
'Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
the rough ways smooth.
And all mankind will see God's
salvation.'"

There's this river of words of God's wonders and His glory and His hope inside me, yet I can't seem to ever know the words to express it. Recently whenever I've opened my mouth nothing comes out right. It's not that it has to be eloquent and perfect, but what I say doesn't even come close to capturing the passion and the torrentual flood of emotion that's inside. perhaps it's time i learned to speak with my actions... the attention i give someone who's sharing with me probably means so much more than if i have something wise to say after they're finished. and i'd way rather speak sloppily and unprofessionally, but with love than to be this profound speaker that uses creative sentence structure and all.

The idea of speaking has been on my mind alot today, mostly because the teacher we have this week (Melinda ) is making us share not only our life story, but Who Jesus is to us, why we chose Him, why we have hope, and what it means to live for Him in front of the whole group. In my head i'm all like, "Oh, not a problem, we've been trained to do this at camp and in youth group," but when it REALLY comes down to it, i make Jesus sound so cheesy. I just want to hand the group a box that's full of autenticity and passion and examples of Christ and what He does and how He's this undescribable God and Creator and Father and Friend and Teacher and etc. But i have to use words. I haven't even been able to write songs and poems recently either. This is the place I need to be at so that the Lord can teach me how to speak His words and truth continually, using words only if neccessary. wow, can you imagine how important that will be for me in Guatemala? being around millions who don't speak the same language as me? Lord have mercy on me...
"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Romans 10:15

"Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God. I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done--by the power of signs and miracles, through the power of the Spirit."
Romans 15:17-19

hey all! I'm currently watching "Alias" and so this might be... a little jittery :)
Ok, so our guys left for Vernon at lunch on Friday. so it was a totally kickin' girl's weekend! Friday night we watched movies and ate junk food. Saturday we slept in and then went to Red Deer to Chapters and Value Village. I found this SWEET black, nice top at VV and I bought it for.. SALSA DANCING! it was the best! it took us a while to get ready, but then we were off to Calgary (1.5 hr drive) to Don Quijote's Salsa Club. It was AWESOME! There were these professionals on the dance floor that would just sorta grab you and teach you the moves. I didn't sit out for any of the songs the whole time we were there! it.. wow... we HAVE to go back!

Then on Sunday (yesterday, halloween), we drove 3 hours to Banff. 17 girls in a 15 passenger van. I sat on the floor... but it was completely safe. A few of us wanted to climb the 8,040 ft Mount Sulfer and then take the gondola back down, so we did. and there were a few inches of snow on the ground and continual flurries. Carma and I got up there before the rest so we spend about 10 mins with our hands under the hot air dryer in the bathroom at the top. it was great fun! Then we all went to the Hot Springs in Banff and chilled (or steamed? lol). Ok, then we drove to Canmore and hung out there for a bit... but 4 of us brought costumes and went Trick-Or-Treating... and it was SNOWING! gah! insanely cool! I was talking to one of my friends all like, "How am I supposed to wear something for Halloween when it's freaking -124 degrees outside???" and Desirae (from Manitoba) pipes up, "You never learned how to fit a Halloween costume over a snowsuit as a child, did you?" and we laughed :)

We got so much candy, esp for only be out for 45 mins. I seriously only saw like 5 kids out there! it was almost 7pm, which really isn't late at all. So that was odd. alot of the people were older and thought we were still in school. one of the girls, Tamara, is from a TINY town in Minnesota and has never T-or-T'ed before, so that was our excuse when some were like, "wow, BIG kids!". :) Don't worry, Mom, this is my last year... I promise!

Our speaker this week is Craig Ginn and he's talking on the Evolution of Historic Christianity and it's actually REALLY interesting. I need to get off now tho... there's a line. Thanks for the emails I've gotten and comments! Miss you all and love you tons.
Greatest need: hand lotion.
Fave tunes: jazz (Louie Armstrong) and Sarah MacLaughlin and Heather Clark's "Dark Yet Lovely"
Pray for a snowstorm here!
Psalm 17:7-8

Hey guys! ok, so i know i'm backtracking a bit, but i feel you deserve a better, more lengthy description of what i've been up to.
----Rewind to October 17th----
So my friend here, Geoff, made me some earrings out of fimo (modelling clay) and i had to stretch my ear lobes (i've got 4 holes total) to get them all to fit. but i love 'em!
today was our day of silence. we're still on the houseboats and every night we "dock" at some place alongside the shore. Today after breakkie we remained anchored and weren't allowed to talk or attempt communication with the other group members until 3pm. so i went for a hike to these waterfalls. sweet beans, they were a-MAZ-ing!
On the way back from the falls God asked if I could hear Him. The birds were singing uber loudly and the waterfall was crazy loud. So I was all like, "yes, of course!". and kept walking. Almost immediately the falls dulled and birds quieted and everything was still and i couldn't hear much, except for far-off noises. The Lord asked me again, "Can you hear Me?"
I paused and knew that He was there in the silence. "Yes, God, I can," I replied.
"No, can you hear Me?" He said once again.
This time I stopped and closed my eyes. And I could hear Him. He was singing. Singing. Singing over me! I was so blown away! It reminded me of Zephaniah 3:17:
"The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing."
Score!
He also taught me alot about my pride. Jesus showed me and the group as an entire dogsled team running a race. I wasn't the lead dog, but I was near the front. The Lord said that He's put me close to the front so that I can help the weaker ones. He's trained me for leadership, but I'm misusing and abusing that gift when i treat the rest of the team poorly. What's worse, my pride and misdirection may cause other dogs to trip and fall and on a team as such, if one goes down, many others will fall, and all are affected. God doesn't yoke me with others to boast of my experience, knowledge or strength (because in all honesty, i have and am nothing). I need to let the Spirit teach and lead through me as humbly and gently as possible. And with leadership comes responsibility. So I need to be the first to step up and take the shaft for things that go wrong and I need to be at the very bottom in order to help others climb. It's humbling. and I'm not humble. ouch.
"Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Ps. 139:23-24)
----Rewind to Oct 19th-----
Day one on the streets. So we met at the YWAM base on Commercial Drive in Vancouver and had a briefing on street missions. Then we were split into groups of 3. I was with Kevin and Megan and our first job was to complete a "scavenger hunt" type deal-io. We had to find out what the price of the cheapest hotel on Hastings was, listen to someone's lifestory, that price of a ticket to Hong Kong, the services available at Carnegie Center, find a soup kitchen to eat at, figure out how much it cost to buy ginger tea, etc.

The first thing we saw, however, was a dead man on the sidewalk. A bunch of police/first aid dudes arrived quickly, but he was almost immediately covered with a sheet. it was sad.

Then we found a Native Medical Clinic and while we were leaning over to look at a sign that told us all the places where lunch was served and what times, this one guy in the line sitting against the wall totally freaked at us. It was kinda hilarious. Converstation as following:
Man: "Hey! Can you give me a little space? You're leaning right over me!"
Janelle: "Oops, sorry about that."
Man: "This is an HIV Positive line ONLY. Do you have AIDS?"
Janelle and Megan: "No."
Man: "And do you WANT that?!? DO YOU?!?!?"
Janelle and Megan and Kevin: "Um... no..."
Man: "GOOD! Now get out of here!!!"
So we left.

Then we walked down this alley and this gu y explained to us the art of breaking into an ATM Machine, one of which was lying in pieces in that very alley. But he didn't lift it, he promised! lol. he did, however, know exactly how the thing was taken apart and all the 20's were jacked. We took the ATM's keypad back as show-and-tell for the rest of the group. The guy also asked Megan if i knew that my track pants were inside-out. She assured him that I did. and they laughed. (*Side note: I was TRYING to look homeless, ok? haha!)

Next we rung the door of this building that looked like it had some Buddhist designs on it. and we were right! It was a Buddhist temple/school. we went inside and looked around. and then a Rev. Lisa came and talked to us for 1/2 an hour! it was really interesting, esp because she mentioned how she grew up Catholic and prayed that God would show her a way to the truth and then she stumbled across this Buddhist temple and how she now can make sense of life and all she knew before, etc. she was really sincere and kind and invited us back, and she left us with a lot to think about.

We went to a Youth Action Clinic. the people there thought we were homeless kids and tried to sign us in and invited us to come to the youth awareness meetings to learn about safe injecting and preventing AIDS and becoming street safe, etc. it was wierd to have someone treat you like you actually were homeless. they were uber nice.

We ate at the Union Gospel Mission. mmmm! (no joke, my muffin was awesome!)

Panhandled on Robson Street. that was harsh. I got hard-core ignored. Some people gave me sympathetic glances, but i made no money. this one guy offered to take me out for coffee tho. but i couldn't leave Megan and Kevin (they were on other corners) and i really didn't need it, so i told him what was really going down.

That night we ate at a place called "Riddim and Spice." it's a Jamaican restaurant on Commercial Drive. we had Jerk Chicken! it was so awesome.

Then we had gelatto for dessert. no joke, we had gelatto 4 times in 3 days! ahhh! but i still love it.

----Rewind to Oct 20th----
Today I was put in a group with Peter and Niki. We picked up garbage on "The Drive" for about an hour. There was this guy selling clothes and other goods under the skytrain bridge. I was cold, and found this sweet grey wool sweater and Ryan (the vendor) sold it to me for $4! score! Then we met up with these 3 native guys on the street (Alan, Duane, and Joseph). we took them for lunch at McDonald's and in the line, Irene (a friend of the 3) walked in, so we bought her a meal too. We all ate there and then Irene's husband, Lionel, came in! So he finished off her meal. These guys were awesome! they talked about their street families and how communal and dependent they all were on one another. Irene told us about her pets: a coyote, a skunk, a raccoon, and rats. except that the skunk left. And one rat just had 2 babies! So she asked us for names. I suggested "Peter" (The real Peter laughed and agreed) and "Elvis" (because they loved talking about famous people, like John Travolta). another funny story, Alan packed away his 2nd cheeseburger and 1/2 his fries up in Joseph's Big Mac box cuz he wanted to save it for dinner. He asked if anyone had a backpack that he could put his burger in for the time being. and i was all like, "um... Alan, you're wearing a backpack" and he was like, "I AM???" and was all excited about that. haha!
They took us to their dumpster behind McD's, but we had to go get back to the YWAM base for the evening. We got SO many hugs, just over and over and over. it was uber amazing. and then Peter asked if we could pray for them. So we did, but when we started, only 3 of them were there with us. by the end of the prayer, the others showed up. and Duane was all like, "Why didn't you invite me to this? I want prayer too, you know!" and Lionel heartily agreed. so we appologized and prayed again. it was the best!

that night we ate at "The Addis Cafe" for Ethiopian food. It was SO AWESOME! then (surprise surprise) we went out for gelatto for dessert! except this place has 390 flavors! they change them daily, so we only saw about 200 of them. but it was insane! they had good flavors, but then some raunchy ones, like curry, rice, chili chocolate, balsamic vinegar, etc.

after that we went back to the base and watched some doc's on real-life stories of prostitutes. my group was Dee, Geoff, and Xena and it was our task to take a rose, walk around the industrial area of Vancouver and pray and then give the rose to a prostitute. it was good. but hard. the saddest thing was seeing the same vehicles circling over and over and the cars had a single man in the front. and lots had car seats in the back. heart-wrenching in the least. we honestly didn't know what to pray. we didn't want to ask that the girls didn't get picked up, cuz then their pimps would beat them mercilessly. but we didn't want to ask that they would get picked up either. gah!

---Rewind to Oct 21st---
Went on a temple tour. Muslim mosque, Buddhist temple, then Sikh temple. I've done a temple tour before, to the exact same places, so it wasn't as interesting as it was the first time i did it. but it WAS good, that's for sure.

And now? I'm at home! Until Monday morning. I've been so blessed already with the amount of people that i've been able to see, so that rocks. But it's psycho late so I should go to bed.
if you want me to write you snail mail, just send me your address (either comment on here or email it to wwjd_veggie_tales@hotmail.com). Here's my address from Oct. 25th-November 13th:
Sunnyside Christian Retreat Center
Janelle Robinson
c/o Outtatown
202 Birchcliff Road
Sylvan Lake, AB
T4S 1R6

Here's my addy from Nov. 14th-Dec. 5th:
Camp Evergreen
Box 492
Sundre, AB
T0M 1X0

mucho love!

hi! wow, ok, i know i PROMISED that i would blog like 2 weeks ago, but alas, our laptop has seizures, i swear. and then we can never get on. so currently i'm on the internet at the hostel we're staying at right now. ok, let me back up a bit...
Sylvan Lake... last week we had Blaine Greiner as our speaker. he was awesome! he talked on relationships and it was really great! and part of his teaching was practical team building stuff, so we did an encouragement night where we all shared the things we love about each other and a prayer night where we all shared things we were dealing with and a floor hockey tourney! i loved the hockey. brought me right back to gr. 11 PE class with all those psycho boys! i was so stoked! so excited in fact, that i do believe that I (yes, i know, hard to believe that gentle, mild Janelle could ever have an agressive bone in her ;)) may have bodychecked a few of my fellow peers hard core into the boards. ouch. but we were all ok! it was so much fun. and then we drove 9 hours to Sicamous (me and the other BC peeps spent so long trying to convince the team that yes, it IS pronouced "sick-a-moose" and not "sick-a-miss") which just happens to be the houseboat capital of canada (cool hey?) and got on 2 boats: the Sunset Drifter and the Ship of Dreams. Get this: TV, DVD player, Play Station 2, hot tubs, 2 bathrooms with showers, a complete kitchen, and beds in rooms for all of us ... on each boat! i think i watched a good 17 hours worth of movies and "Alias" that weekend.
*side note (esp for Christa, Lynz, Kelly, Bekah, and Bree): "Alias" is the "Stargate SG-1" of back home for a few of us. it's AMAZING! this one girl here has the first 2 seasons and we watch usually an episode a night! ahh! we're not addicted :)*
anyway, so it was awesome. there were these amazing waterfalls that we hiked to and all that jazz. and wow, so beautiful. we had a day of silence where we were sent on to the mainland and couldn't talk to anyone. it was good, but i didn't really feel like much was accomplished. it was only a 6 hour silence because of our schedule, but it was still good. we'll have more of those days to come that'll be the whole day.
then we drove to Hope to Camp Kawkawa which is where Site 3 (South Africa) is for the fall, and our male team leader's fiance is one of their girls leader's fiance. whew, that sentence was trippy to write. lol. and yah! so kawkawa for only like 4 hours. i bouldered around in their climbing wall room which rocked. and then 3 hours to Vancouver and we've been staying in (drumroll please) the Ivanhoe! hahaha! it's actually NOT that bad at all. not that divey. oh, except the men here (not our guys, the other residents) always use the girl's bathroom, so us girls always have to stand look out for one another.
we've been working this week with YWAM. it's been SO great! for the first day we lived on the streets and hung out with people and ate at a soup kitchen. i told my friends that my Uncle John (Affleck) worked at the Union Gospel Mission and they went in there and talked to him and ended up vollunteering! cool hey? it was funny cuz i got my meal from the UGM that day and when i got to the front and Karis and Tabitha passed me my muffin and bread i was like "wha?" and laughed. it was sweet. then on Tuesday we cleaned up garbage onthe streets. gosh, my time is almost up, but i'll try to put as much as i can down.
we met these 3 native guys and took them out for mc donald's. then these 2 others showed up so we bought them food too. and we spend almost 2 hours with them! it was awesome! they were so cool! and just so real and open and honest and fun. i'll write more later, or ask me in person :)
then last night we did a prayer walk and handed out roses to prostitutes. that was harsh. so many of the girls are SO young and they are all so skinny and look so desperate and sick and... gah, it was hard. again, more later.
yesterday morn we had some time off so we skytrained it to metrotown to shop. wohoo! so many of the girls here are using their student loans for spending money. lol, it's kind of funny, but it might hit them hard later. one girl has given me her debit card and said that i have to "approve" all her purchases. but really, i have no power. she's like "Janel (rhymes with "anal" .. just because. we all have nicknames), i really really love this hat" and i'm like "Xena (real name is CHristine, but there's another Kristine with us), you can't afford it. and you've already got one like it." and then she tells me to shove it and hand over her card or she'll beat me up. so i give it over, because she played rugby AND was a wrestler! lol. it's awesome.
today we did a temple tour, just like the one we do in Christian perspectives at school. we did Buddhist, Muslim, and Sikh. it was pretty nifty :)
what else? tomorrow is PMG (Peer mentoring group... 4 of us in groups that meet every week to hang out and pray and whatev) day and so me, Xena, Pan (Raeanne) and Julia are hanging out from 10-6. it's a surpise what we're doing. it'd be nice to go to Stanley Park or Granville Island tho, but we may have an assignment to do, so we'll see how it goes.
and THEN... i'm coming home for the weekend! no joke! my friend Jo is dropping me off at one of the exits on the way to Chilliwack and i'll be home until early Monday morn. so call me! let's hang out! all of you! i really must go, but i can't wait to see you guys this weekend. things are good. peace to all!
J

hey guys! i haven't been on here in a while, but i'll do my best to whip myself into shape :)
ok! so... things here in AB are AWESOME! the weather has been perfect and we've got a really pretty view of the lake thru the trees and the sun sets over it and gah! so nice :) (or soya nice as we all say out here)
I had thanksgiving dinner last weekend in Manitoba over homestay and we get it again tomorrow! score!
out speaker this week was Bill Pegg. He's from Abbotsford and goes to Fresh Wind. He spoke on listening prayer. it was awesome :)
We're heading into calgary today for a few hours. it's about an hour and 15 min drive from here.
was just alerted that it's time for lunch! taco salad and burritos! sweet deal. i'll try to come on tomorrow to finish this up. you guys deserve more :)
Music i'm into right now:
Kristine Martin... she's awesome! Go buy her CD!
Books: just read Angue, thongs, and full-frontal snogging and All American girl (yay Lindsay! there's a girl here who loves the same books we do!). those 2 were awesome. gotta run! mucho love!

hey folks,
jEF, i can't seem to post on your blog for some reason. but i loved your yesterday's entry. totally what i've been feeling... just wanting to experience completely everything in this world. to see the footprints our Creator made when He danced His Spirit over this earth. remarkable.
Man, today was an interesting day. to be perfectly honest, it sucked. I've always commented that i'd way rather be physically broken than emotionally broken, but today's horrendous back, neck, and leg pain could have rallied its way up there with heartaches and that sorta stuff. and then i went to the doctor's (for a different reason than the aches I had during the day) and i found out that i have a heart murmer and maybe some other stuff. It's like, just before I leave on this outdoor adventure wilderness challenging athletic program in less than a month my body takes a brutal beating. And then I have to go for x-rays, blood tests, a echo thing, and an ultrasound. i've been praying that God would give me too much to handle so that I HAVE to rely on Him. i've got a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease. and once again He's reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12... Paul's thorn in his flesh. May I learn to delight in these trials. Me of little faith...

..."To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hey all. so this is what happens when i haven't blogged in a while. i do one and then 2 hours later i'm all like "ooh, i have more to add!" and do another one. so bear with me :)
So we took these personality tests last year and this past year in school and in gr. 11 i was all like "they can't put me in a box!" and "this won't tell me who i am!" and all that jazz. and then i ate my words as the results pretty much summed me up! it was hilarious. but not that a personality test can tell you who you are because it CAN'T, but the point is I went back and read the long blurb again a couple weeks back and i was like, "shoot, i AM like that, aren't i?". and one of the things that God's been teaching me is that I have put too much faith in people. now don't get me wrong, I love people and i think we were meant to live in community and bless each other and work with each other and hold each other accountable. but i think i've been in the wrong by holding people up to standards that no one can meet except Jesus and then being bloody let down because of it. I know in my life that i've let down every person I know and that every person I know has let me down. and that's how it's gonna be, unfortunately. but yah, Jesus has just accentuated the reason as to why HE needs to be the one to fulfill me and not merely my friends because although they are wonderful, they won't ever know me completely or be able to speak to me exactly as i need it or fill that void. and i think i've also thought that my husband will do that too. that He'll be like Jesus to me. that He'll fulfill all my deepest longings and desires and dreams and He'll say the right things and do the right things and just make me complete. wrong! ouch. poor guy. I long for people to ask questions of me, I long to be known and loved and to know and to love, but i need to see people as they are: sinful and struggling. just as i am. just as we all are. there's a chasm in me that i've tried to fill with so much that isn't Christ and recently it's been friends. and know what i've discovered? i have some pretty kick-booty friends! i honestly am SO blessed and encouraged by so so so many people! but i need to stop asking them to complete me. it's certainly not fair to them (eep, sorry guys!) and it's not their place to fulfill me. So a hearty YEE-HAW out there to all you guys who have been so amazing and patient and loving with me, and know that I deeply love and appreciate you all so very much; and to You, Lord... again, I'm sorry. may I never let another take Your place in me again.
you guys all are my superheroes... but Jesus is the most super :)

Hey folks! It's been a while, hey? I keep learning new things and being all like "wooo, i should put that on my blog!" and then forgetting or running out of time. But here i am, finally!
So my new quest? Discover what God's justice looks like and then to live it. Seriously, every sermon, every passage, every little diddly that i've heard recently has been about justice. it's crazy, but so cool. and i'm reading in Isaiah, which "coincidentally" (yah right) is all about justice too! And i guess i've always known that Yahweh is just and all, but if you asked me to make a list of the qualities of Jesus i'd start with loving, father-like, compassionate, faithful, teacher, brother, etc. and i'd put "just" on there, but I've never really seen the Lord as a judge, or displaying righteous justice, even though that's what He does. So i'm not sure if He's revealing more of His nature to me in all these scriptures and messages about being just, or if maybe He wants me to really delve into what it means to be quick to rush to bring justice to the circumstances around me. I just don't really know... But it's got me thinking... I mean, I don't really totally completely know yet what I want to do with my life. I have dozens of dreams and have been asking for more, but something that recently popped into my mind was bringing justice to the oppressed. literally. i mean actually. or whatever :) but seriously, to like be a lawyer for those who can't afford lawyers. for those who are already sentenced to death. for those who can't speak up for themselves or are outcasts in society and branded as a "drain on the population." that, my friends, who be soooo awesome. But i'm not sure if that's what He wants me to do. Oh, and reading Isaiah 58 and 59... i won't write them all out, but they are AMAZING. no joke, READ THEM. it's so big! Here's Isaiah 58:
True Fasting
1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say, 'and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?' "Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD , and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

enough said.

Happy summer days, guys! It's been so gorgeous and I've loved it! When was the last time I posted? hmm... not sure, so I just might recount past events you already know about. Please bear with me :)
Ok, so after exams I worked at the Craigs' (Jason, Jordan, Josh, etc, not Halael's family) with Laura and Christa doing some weeding. And then I went to Timberline. I was expecting a good week but NOTHING compared to how awesome it really ended up being! Seriously, it was so good. I was a wrangler (and I'm going back on Sunday to do 2 more weeks of wranglin'. yehaw!) and so I worked with the horses and with the kids riding horses all day long. Our day started at 5:45 am some morns and 6:45 others (depending if I was on morn feedings or not).  And then we ended at about 5:30-6pm every night. Then we'd have dinner and if there was a game in the evenings we helped being the bad guys or the hidden agents (lol, or whatever we were supposed to be). And usually there'd be some sort of wrangler or staff devo later on. and then there was campfire (which is oh so much fun! for seriously, i had a blast :)). and then lights out are at 11:00.  So right away I'm all like "poo, how am I supposed to find time for me and God?" so I started praying about it. and man, in all honesty I didn't spend that much time just one-on-one with Jesus that week, but He taught me SO much in all that went on. Like, all the morning staff devos and the evening wrangler devos and the late-night devos... EVERYTHING that was talked about in those times was EXACTLY what i needed to hear! I think Jesus was just telling me to soak everything up. and boy did I ever! gosh, it was like every word was directed RIGHT at me. I left so many of those community times either on the verge of tears, or already with them pouring down my cheeks. so good... so beautiful. And yah, not that I should ever replaced my quiet time with the Lord with other stuff, but I've been desperate for community for so long and beans, I think we get a taste of Heaven when we share ourselves with other believers. And i saw how close Jesus is when it's a group of broken believers. Man, brokenness is such a place where I'm at. Broken, yet stubborn. I was listening to Dido in the car on the way back from Vernon on Monday and there's this one song... here, I'll write it out. It's called "This Land Is Mine."
 
from behind these walls I hear  your song, oh sweet words
the music that you play lights up my world
the sweetest that I've heard
could it be that I'v ebeen touched and turned, oh Lord please
finally, finally things are changing
 
this land is mine but I'll let you rule
I'll let you navigate and demand
just as long as you know, this land is mine
so find your home and settle in
oh I'm ready to let you in
just as long as we know, this land is mine
 
after all the battles and wars, the scars and loss
I am still the queen of my domain
and feeling stronger now
the walls are down a little more each day, since you came
finally, finally times are changing
 
this land is mine but I'll let you rule
I'll let you navigate and demand
just as long as you know, this land is mine
so find your home and settle in
oh I'm ready to let you in
just as long as we know, this land is mine 
 
for all the days I've travelled alone
in this cold and colourless place till now
it's what I had to pay
 
this land is mine but I'll let you rule
I'll let you navigate and demand
just as long as you know, this land is mine
so find your home and settle in
oh I'm ready to let you in
just as long as we know, this land is mine 

I don't really know how to add to this. sometimes I hate taking a song and potentially twisting the author's original meaning to fit where I'm at. but seriously, she sounds like me. like, I'm at the place where I'm telling God that He's the one who's brought me this far, He can rule, and that He can make His home in me. Check yourself, Janelle... with those words of "surrender", I'm still saying, "But it's my life. I'm still queen. Don't forget that." I long to enter into His presence and truly completely surrender. to the point even maybe where things have to spin insanely out of control just so i am aware that I can't crown Him King but refuse to get off my throne. Praise Him for His patience with me, amen?
 
 
 

Hey guys... this is the order in which i wrote these songs. After looking at both of them I realize that it would "make more sense" to write them with "On His Hand" after "Scattered Pieces", but that's not how it played out in real life. so here goes :)

"On His Hand"
A mighty river flows
Washing away filthy remains
A beaming sun does rise
Flooding the fields with light

Do you not see
The mysteries around you?
Can you not feel
His presence in the win?

Like the stars
Winking in the skies
Like the waves
Beating on the sand
Your very name
Is written on His hand

He loves you so
More than you could ever know
He holds you dear
And whispers softly in your ear
Come to Me, My darling
Come to Me
Come to Me, My darling
Come to Me
Come
I'll set you free

"Scattered Pieces"
I never wanted to be like me
What went wrong along the way?
My spirit groans in misery
Will I one day be okay?

Every piece has been scattered
With a wretched, lonely prayer
I beg You, help me to discover
Why the depth of this dispair?

Set me free from who I am
So I can be released in Thee
Set me free from what I do
So I can do Your will for me
Let me flee from my disgrace
So in Your grace I find myself
Broken at Your feet

How could You take me back again?
See I'm just a shameful whore
Yet I find myself once more
Uncovered, shaking at Your door

Set me free from who I am
So I can be released in Thee
Set me free from what I do
So I can do Your will for me
Let me flee from my disgrace
So in Your grace I find myself
Broken at Your feet


I was with a friend last night and we were floating down the river, totally in awe at how pretty BC is, when we started talking about our futures and anticipations and fears. It dawned on me that I'm afraid of many things.

I'm afraid of rejection. Afraid of being real, and afraid that I'm fake. Afraid of searching too hard for the truth in case my realities have always been lies. Afraid of remaining who I've become and not being able to change. But afraid of change. I fear my fear... I fear that it will hold on to me and I'll never move beyond myself. I fear that I'm so inward-focused that I'll never be able to truly love others. I fear that my dreams, the ones that captivate and draw me, are mockers.

Discipline... i've been thinking alot about the training i am to receive from God in certain areas of my life to discipline me so that I can stand strong during these fears and struggles. And He has been training me and it's cool! but sometimes it hurts... and I just got this picture of me being the clay in the Lord's hands and I'm begging Him to shape me and mold me into His child and so He starts pressing and kneading me (the clay) and really mashing me up. and I'm all like "hey, wha? beans, what the heck are you doing? stop! this hurts!" and God says, "You want to be shaped by me, so you've gotta be softened up a little first. Trust Me."
i guess i just gotta learn sometimes :) love you all

interesting day... I realized last night that me and Jesus hadn't had a date for a while. so we set one for today, at this old abandoned barn that I discovered a few years back. I have to take a trail (that's pretty abandoned also) behind my house for about 15 minutes and then you come to another wider bike trail and then the barn/shed is off in the bush a bit. It's soooo quiet and sooo beautiful and peaceful and perfect there. so needless to say I was eager, not only to spend time with God, but also to return to our secret place which I haven't been to since the fall. So you can imagine my horror, surprise, disappointment, bitterness, frustration, shock ... [add any other expressive adjectives here] when I get up to the bike trail and it's nearly completely demolished and uneven because of large machinery tracks! Not only that but there were huge huge huge piles of dirt and filler where a line of trees used to stand. and the worst part? the path to my barn was now blocked by two big red boxes that read "DANGER: Explosives" and signs that said "NO TRESPASSING. $500 fine."

what the bloomin' bloomers.

arg! guys, this was one of my favorite places in the whole world! Me and my dog (and sometimes Kjer and other friends) would come up here and pray and laugh and take pictures and just enjoy the beauty. Me and Jesus would talk and cry and His presence was always so vivid there. i cried. i honestly did. and there was GARBAGE, like McDonald's crap all over too. who does that? and also, bear poo. it seems so lost, so forsaken (ok, it's a pile of crap, but still, it shows that bears still live there! and I bet they're more confused and hurt than I.) so i left. I took 232nd home instead of the trails because they were a little treacherous coming up (especially after that "tornado" yesterday! bloomin' blazes!) I went and sat in our boat in our tree shack instead and read and prayed. my friends... wow. Praise the Lord. in everything, all the time, for whatever reason! He's so worthy! I recounted my dreams to Jesus today. There's so much that is on my heart that I wanna do, but at this point in my life I don't know how to get out and actually live out those dreams. So I asked God why I had these dreams and what He'd do with them if i surrendered them to Him in faith. and it was so cool! He was like "I'll take them and multiply them and take you to the ends of the earth to fulfill them!"

there was so much more... like I was reading the Psalms and singing them and it was so cool. But then I started feeling like such a failure. And just how I've been such a moron to Kjerstin recently... for no real (or at least legit) reason! But gosh, it was just like pools of grace. and tears. and more grace... so much grace. And Jesus told me how He wants me to be real. no pretending. i need to be in full realization of my failures and my shortcomings and then REST IN HIS MERCIES. it's bloody OK to be a screw-up. because we all are. and the reason why so many of Jesus' followers were public outcasts is because they recognized their sin and let Him nail it on the cross. who knows, maybe that religious Saduccee struggled with lust or evil thoughts, but had been told that as a leader he must appear completely spotless. His desire to seem perfectly pious led to so many lies and cover-ups and he became fake. ugh. i hate the idea that i could be fake. sure, ok, i shouldn't go overboard and write "Following ALL of Janelle's actions, thoughts, words and motives in the past 18 1/2 years" and hand it out where ever I go (sounds a little insane, but i am one of extremes... :) ). but at the same time I want to be real with everyone. especially Jesus. and it's humbling... and hard... and I'm not there yet. but wow, He's so good, hey? Man, here's Psalm 113. It moved me so much today. Rest in His grace, my friends.

Praise the Lord.
Praise, O servants of the Lord,
praise the name of the Lord.
Let the name of the Lord be praised,
both now and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun to the
place where it sets,
the name of the Lord is to be
praised.
The Lord is exalted over all the
nations,
his glory above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God,
the One who sits enthroned on
high,
who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from teh ash
heap;
he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.
He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
PRAISE THE LORD! (Ps. 113)

From Leslie Ludy's "Authentic Beauty":
"Just as there is a marked distinction between memorizing the definition of a rose and actually holding one in your hand, there is a huge difference between saying you know Jesus Christ and truly experiencing Him as your true Prince, your Hero, and the One you give up everything just to be with..."
Let us be a generation that pushes through the mediocre lifestyle of hypocrisy! I want to truly experience this world and this relationship with my Lord. I long for God to take me deeper with Him than He's ever taken anyone! And not because I'm more important, more worthy, or more in tune with Christ, because I would be the least worthy of that sort of intimacy. But because it is possible, I want to run for it. Because He gave it all to be with me, I want to really know what it's like to suffer for Jesus, to walk daily in His presence and to really really really let Him set me free. There's so much about surrendering that I need to learn to do...
In the past couple days I've really been hit hard with the importance of relationships. And I know i've talked about this many times before, but I know it's something that my Master wants to secure in me. I want to be a listener and an encourager and someone who, despite outside circumstances, or even though I'm late for class or have something "really important" to do that I would drop everything in a second to sit down and be Jesus to someone, anyone! Like, when it's crunch crew time, what remains? Not grades, not scholarships, not money, not any of my matieral goods... just people. Man, there's another quote that totally describes our society and even the selfishness of my soul:
"They said that they had noticed among us some gorged to the full with things of every sort while their other halves were beggars at their doors, emaciated with hunger and poverty. They found it strange that these poverty-stricken halves should suffer such injustice and that they did not take the others by the throat or set fire to their houses."
Justice... again and again that phrase has entered my mind.
"He has shown you, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you: to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)
Gosh... I want to be an advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves... for those who have no say... for those who are guilty, but still need to know His love, just as I need to know it. Jesus, send me to the nations as an ambassador for You! Let me lose myself in others! Strip me completely of all my selfish ambitions and desires and set in me a heart of compassion and a spirit of service. Let me KNOW You! Captivate my restless soul once again.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice...
I know not what this means. Or I guess I do, but I don't know how it looks. How to live it. There is so much I do not know. So much has happened in my life recently, but I think I've left God out of most of it. I don't want this to be a complaining blog however. But I'll just spew. Here goes.

Crap, how do I LIVE Christ? Like, life can go on for me and I can get up early and earnestly seek the Lord and talk to Him throughout the day, fellowship with other believers, worship Him, and even pour myself out before Him in tears and... nothing. Then I can have a day where I don't get up early, I really don't talk to Him that much, I don't spend any time talking about Him with friends or praying and... nothing. Seriously, I find it hard to discipline myself to get to know Him when it honestly doesn't seem to make any difference at all. Sure, there are TONS of things in my life that I need to give up and let Him destroy. And I offer them to Him. and I offer them to Him. and I surrender. and I surrender. and nothing changes. So I guess now i'm in a place of rebellion. It's easier for me to to hold on to my "golden calf." It's too emotionally and mentally and spiritually destructive otherwise. NOTHING BLOODY CHANGES. I feel like I'm fooling myself when I tell people (or myself) that my God is a healing God. I can't explain why He doesn't always heal or why some people don't experience Him or feel Him. But something in me explodes with passion to know Him and to have others know Him too. Every night I pray that I would see the Lord in dreams. EVERY NIGHT. Every morning I ask to see Him during that day, or to have divine appointments with people, or to walk in the Spirit constantly. EVERY MORNING. and every day I beg to be free, I place all my worries and fears on Him, and offer myself up as a living sacrifice to be used as His ambassador. EVERY DAY. and nothing changes. nothing. bloody. changes. So for the past... mmm... maybe 5 days I haven't. I haven't sought Him wholeheartedly, surrendered all of me, or worshipped Him lovingly. And wanna know what really gets me? Nothing changed. I mean, I've asked so many times that I would have a relationship with Jesus where I NOTICE when I haven't read my Bible or talked to Him because my day sucks, my attitude sucks, or I just feel off. It's heartwrenching when nothing changes either way. When I don't notice it. I feel like I've given and poured so much of me into knowing Christ and ... nothing. Crap, I hate saying that. Because I KNOW it's not true. But i refuse to live a partial life with the Lord! It's gotta be ALL or nothing. and more than anything i long for it to be completely consuming and fulfilling, but again, to be honest, other things are fulfilling me in life. I need to be brought to a place where I HAVE to rely on Him, I guess. oh, i don't know what I need. There's this verse that says "Seek the Lord while He may be found" and so often I wonder if He isn't to be found by me. Like, He's there, but ... nothing. I don't know how to live.
And all these different theologies... don't even get me started :)
"If you follow my teachings, then you are truly my disciples. Then you will know the TRUTH and the TRUTH will set you free." (mark 8:34)
thanks guys for listening :)

-exerpt from mine and Jesus' morning convo-

God: "I tell you, NOW is the time of God's favour, NOW is the day of salvation!" (2 Corinthians 6:2)

Me: Yes Lord! Man, my spirit groans within me... I present myself as a living sacrifice, but for some reason I keep crawling off the altar! I long for 100% total devotion, but my interests are so divided... my focus is blurred and I've become so worldly.

God: "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs--she wants to please her commanding officer" (2 Tim. 2:4) And also, "What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For you are the temple of the living God!" (2 Cor. 2:16)

Me: Man, I'm the temple of THE LIVING GOD, yet I stumble in following Him because I'm disctracted by my armful of idols. Father, bring me to that place of undivided focus! I miss You... the REAL You. I want to experience ALL of You! The sufferings and trials, the intercession, the miracles, the worship, the glory, the fellowship and community, the power, and the righteousness!

God: "Rather, as a servant of God, you commend yourself in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weaposn ofrighteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonour, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, yet possessing everything. (2 Cor. 6:4-10)

Me: I want to be a freedom fighter and advance on the gates of hell, retrieving the lost and bringing them into the Kingdom! Set the captives free ... yes, Lord. I want to proclaim the Good News to all the nations.

God: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news..." (Romans 10:15)

Me: I want to be able to give all that I have and am to the poor, the widows, the broken, the orphans, the outcasts.

God: "The Spirit of the Lord is on you, because He has anointed you to preach good news to the poor. He has sent you to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour." (Luke 4:18-19)...

Let It Be.

"As God has said, 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people." (2 Cor. 6:17)

why must we obey that which we don't understand? i cannot see the result of my actions. i cannot look at my whole life as a map of winding roads and destinations, swamp lands and highways, mountain ranges and rocky beaches... I don't know where roads lead and paths connect. i'm glad i don't! i like life as an adventure.
sometimes i don't like being set apart. especially recently. it makes me confused and hurt and bitter and frustrated and emotional. but i know there's soooo much more that God's got planned for me, that I can't even see.
"those who obey my teachings are truly My disciples..." (Mark 8:34a)
I've never really pictured obedience as paramount in my walk with God. i mean, sure, it's there and there are things that I do and think later that i disobeyed Him, but just things like flipping out at my mom, or being a jerk to a friend, or wasting my time here on earth. but like, i don't really hear from God, so I never know day-to-day, what He wants me to do. so obedience for me is just more like trying to live each day under a shroud of worship and surrender my problems and worries to Him. so i long to actually hear His voice directing me where to go and what to do. but when that voice comes, am I too leery to trust and obey? hmm..

Oh Jesus, may the whole earth rise up in worship to You! May the trees dance and the birds dive and the creatures cry out. You said that if we stopped praising You the rocks would open up and praise You because Your creation cannot be silent before Your awesomeness.

"God, let me never let the rocks cry out louder than the voice You've given me! As long as I have breath to breathe, my lips with sing Your praise. Until the day in glory when I find the sweetest melody with words to rhyme, as long as I have breath to breathe, i will sing Your praise."

take me. break me. shape me. remake me. direct me. lead me.

for Your glory! You are so beautiful! Be ever near, sweet Messiah... Abba Father... je vous aime

1 John 4:18... perfect love

thanks Jesus for the little blessings each day...
like today, for example! I woke up, and lo, it was morning. But hark, it was sunny! And behold, it was also about 20 minutes earlier than I usually rise! I read 2 Peter 2 this morning and it was good. There's this one verse I remember and it goes "make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, faithfulness; and to faithfulness; self-control. In addition to that self-control, perseverence; and to perseverence, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."
Man, it all comes back to love, hey? I didn't even really know that WE, in and of ourselves, COULD "add to our faith"... but maybe following Christ is 100% trusting Him and 100% personal effort?
someone told me yesterday that they've come once again to the point where they realized that all they really really want in life is to know Christ, but that they've put zero energy into the whole relationship part. Like, they just expected that once they believed, they'd automatically grow closer. i totally fall into that too... just being lazy and all like "meh, my place is secured in Heaven" and then just sorta shrugging off actually
getting
to
know
our
Lord.

[commercial break to let that sink in]

so back to more of today's blessings:
and so because I was up earlier, i was able to walk to the barn instead of drive. and indeed i did. and the weather is fantabulous! and then at the barn I even had time to quickly brush my horse and pick some plops from his paddock (whew, say that 10 times fast! :)). and i dunno, it wasn't that i had a major spiritual experience, but it made me want to get up earlier EVERY morning, just so that i can have time to wake up and enjoy Jesus in His glorious creation.
and THEN i get to school and forsooth, there be-eth only 4 of us in French 12 instead of our usual 8. pourquoi? ah, because the others are on a Geography field trip, hiking and stuff! (lucky bean curds) But our wonderful teacher was like, "well, i won't give you any more french work.. just catch up on whatever you want to!" and so i did some french and then watched the Physics class destroy a computer with hammers to retrieve the cathode ray nodes something-or-else-thinga-hoojits from inside. that was classic :) they broke ALL of the safely warnings on that thing!
and just now, as I sit in the library, my eyes lit upon the kids book section where they get info for doing reports on animals. well, i honestly was unsure entirely what Prairie Dogs were and where they live, what they eat, etc, etc, so I picked up a "Nature's Children: Prairie Dogs" book and read it! and it was cool! I want to be a Prairie Dog! or at least live like one. here's an excerpt:

"If the prairie dog sees nothing to disturb it, it tilts its head back and makes a few short, sharp sounds, or chirks. With each chirk [btw, what the beans is a "chirk"???] its tail quivers and sems to signal 'all clear!' Soon more prairie dogs come out of their homes. They greet each other with kissing and nuzzling. When morning greetings are over, the business of the day begins. The prairie dogs feed busily, bask in the sun, take dust bathes, visit neighbours or wash themselves."

sounds pretty good to me! but yah, i guess i really don't have much more to say... i'd like to pray more with people. i haven't done that recently and i really miss it. and i think one day i would love to live in a community that's just like a prairie dog town!
Right now i'm into:
music: Dido (Mary's in India, Don't Leave Home), oldies, anything that's NOT from The Sound of Music :)
food: try Turtle Cheesecake, my friends!
smells: sunny morning air, and my baby cousin's hair
books: Jillian Jiggs... reliving that childhood, baby!
Bible story: The Israelites winning that battle because Moses held his hands up the whole time... sweet action

Here I lie
Naked before Your eyes
No robe
No rags
No peace

Nothing to hide
I stand before You tall
Nothing to give
I pull my pockets out in shame

I am not hot
And I am not cold
Awed by Your mystery
Yet deafened to Your call
Bone-weary and dry
Yet nearly satisfied
With the world in one hand
Stroking the cross with the other

My soul is chiming dissonance
No sweet harmonies
How do I completely surrender
When I'm not sure I want to be free?

and then i read colossians 1:1-14
I want to be holy, faithful. Loving my brothers and sisters. Faith springing up from hope.
What is in store for me in Heaven? What have I already heard about the word of truth? Has the Gospel come to me? Yet globally this Gospel bears fruit! Oh, how it grows, too! Does it grow among us, my friends? Do we understand God's grace in all its truth? Let us love in the Spirit, and never stop praying. Pray to be filled with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding, that we'd live a life worthy of the Lord--I want to be worthy of Him!--and may please Him in every way (such as bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God adn being strengthened so we can endure trials with patience, joy and thanksgiving. He's qualified me to share in the inheritance of His Kingdom.
wait, let's repeat that: He's qualified me to share in the inheritance of His Kingdom
hello? wake up, Janelle! why does this not consume my being? why is it not the most amazing thing I've heard all day? man, i have passion, but i think it's being outletted in the wrong ways...
What is this "heir-hood" all about? Freedom from death's dark dominion! Wait, am I free? what IS free? can anyone really be truly free?
And passage into His Kingdom! (but again, what IS this Kingdom? is it here, among us? is it yet to come and already been?) Redemption. Forgiveness. Man, I want to be one of our King's most faithful and obedient knights (err... or lady, i guess :) ) Who IS this King of glory?

wow, tis been a long time. impishly long. i'd like to meet a leprechaun. quirky little fellas, i bet. anyway...

man, this week has been a chapter of Hell. but at the same time it's been so good. i have so much pride that i don't even realize it until I've done or said something completely foolish. God's been teaching me so many little things, through so many friends. my thoughts are so completely random and i've about 3 and a quarter dozen things running through my mind at once in the past week or so that when i even try to sit and think rationally or pray or even just talk with someone, i feel like i'm running on auto-pilot and the batteries are fading quick. beans, that's a gross feeling.

I think i need to ask 27 or so people's forgiveness... i've been so crabby and snotty and just a super crap jerk recently, for no real reason! i just want to please Christ. My heart feels beat up so much too... even from the Lord. like, so many prayers that i haven't seen acknowledgement from Him, let alone answers one way or the other. i think i need to be hit again with the simplicity yet intricate awesomeness of the Gospel. of the incarnation. lotsa prayer for that... especially now that it's coming up to easter. anyway, if you want to know more, grab me in the calls, or call me, folks! (463-7430). i'd love to write more, but Joel's sleeping in the computer room tonight so i gotta jetison. love. lovelovelovelovelovelovelove. amen.

Hey dudes and dudettes! what is up?
you know what's so cool, but at the same time kinda bittersweet? I've been praying alot recently that the Lord would help me to get up early and read the bible and pray. and it's totally be working! in that I don't get outta bed until i've prayed for a couple minutes and read a few chapters. except i can't for the LIFE of me really remember what it is that i've read. i hang out with Jesus at night too, right before bed, but i like the whole "first thing in the morning" thing where it's the start of the day. i mean, how lame is being all like "yah, and uh, i dedicate this day I just had to you and surrender all of me unto You to be used for Your glory... tomorrow?" lol.. i've seriously said that before. like, known how much more focused and alert I am at night so devoted myself for the next day. and don't get me wrong, I think that I kinda need to be in constant reminder of being devoted, so it's a good thing, but at the same time, I want to notice a difference in my day when I don't spend quality time with Christ in the morning. and i mean QUALITY time... i know I'm not there yet. i think i'm gonna start praying for that though... that I'd really really see a change in the days I hang out and surrender first thing and the days I don't. apparently it takes 40 consecutive days to form a habit. but they never really tell you the other statistic--it only takes one day to break it! I think during this Lentish time for me the Lord is calling me to REALLY use it to make some good habits. ooo, it reminds me of that verse in Romans... gimme a sec, lemme find it...
---------I N S E R T -- J E O P A R D Y -- M U S I C -- H E R E -------------------------------------
ahh, most excellent. here it be... not Romans, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 :)
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that WILL last forever! Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it a slave so that after I have preached to others, I myeslf will not be disqualified for the prize"....
and there's also 1 Tim 4:8
"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for ALL things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come!"
cool hey?? I mean, this life we live with Christ is awesome, but it takes discipline! i honestly love the feel of training for something, working hard to achieve goals, whether physically or training Billie (my horsie :) ) or in school or whatever! i love it! but it surely does take effort on my part. and that's what it'll take to have a feast with Christ every morning! that and a heaping tablespoon of his grace :)
Wow, another thing He's been teaching me is about blessing people. you know how like, Jacob got Esau's blessing from Isaac? those blessings were powerful! I'm reading The Final Battle by C.S. Lewis and people can actually, like, curse other people! it's like praying to Satan! doesn't that freak you out? it totally shouldn't though because Jehovah is oh so much more powerful, but curses and blessings DO affect people! God's totally been pushing me to pray for people with blessings! like not just "bless so-and-so" but like, the way they blessed people in the old testament! yah... He's so cool :) anyway, i need to get some ZZZZZZZZ's, so i'll see y'all later!
yay for Esperanza! Pray pray pray sooo much into it! Pray and believe and then expect the richest of the blessings and wonders from our Lord Jesus while we're there! Pray for miracles! for wonderous, miraculous, mind-boggling experiences! all to Him,
Janella
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every though and make it obedient to Christ!" 2 Cor. 10:5

g'day all!
wow, JessL, great stuff you talked about. I must say, that career fair was super boring, but the best part? skipping out of it and walking around downtown a bit (shhh!) and just seeing all the people. wow. that was harsh. there was this one guy and he was sitting on the corner of the street and asking for change. honestly, i had about $3.00 in change, but wasn't sure how good giving him money would do. so i gave him my yogurt. and then i saw him a few mins later eating it and he grabbed his stuff and hurried off. it felt good to give him something, but at the same time, i had a good clothes on, some stuff in my back pack, a hardy waterbottle, comfy shoes... and i gave this guy YOGURT? i mean, like, it's like this King walking around with gold falling out of his pockets, he's tripping on his thick, long, gorgeous robe, jewels and glittering on every finger and on his crown, and he passes a commoner a handkerchief. nice, thanks dude, i'll be sure to wipe my face extra gently with this baby. i wanna do so much more! and like, my WHOOOOLLLEEE life i've wanted to get out of Canada and into Africa, Asia, South and Central America, etc, to do the Lord's work. and maybe that's where He'll take me. but so much of my heart is right here too. right where the Natives are oppressed and the druggies are shooting up right next door. i mean, we KNOW the language of our nation and the culture and the people. we may not be immersed in the everyday struggles of the "real world", but it seems to make so much more sense to like, stay here and defend the cause of the poor and the needy, speaking up for those who can't speak for themselves.

man, on another note, do you ever get it where it's like everything inside of you is running in different directions at once and you feel like if you open a window you'll lose an arm or something? holy moly rolly polly, the Lord's totally just been showing me recently what it means to have an "undivided heart". like, my heart and passions are focussed, yet soooo divided right now! i have so many idols and high places and blah. grrr! go away! it was cool cuz after I was at Robyn's (lol, SHARI'S) house tonight I went up to the barn and was thinking about some crap and I parked so that I had to run across my ring (like 200 feet). on the way back from the barn to the car i somehow got a prickle in my shoe but still tried to ignore it and run anyway. God was totally like "it's hard to run your best when you've got something lodged in your way, hey?" and i was just sorta stubborn and like "yah, but whatever, i don't really notice it", and He was like "suit yourself, but that thing will get infected if you don't take it out, and you'll really start to lag in the race. get rid of those thorns." kwap. i hate thorns... i hate that sometimes they don't go away. II Corinthains 12. i feel for ya, Paul. Hmm, what a faithful God He is though! We've been praying for good weather for the Esperanza car wash and it looks like Jesus is gonna do juuuuuust that! Blessed at the pure in heart... for they will SEE THE LORD! Father, grant me a pure heart, let me not lift up my soul to another. be blessed!!!
PS. one little boy once wrote to Mother Theresa, completely enthralled by her selfless works and devotion to helping others. He asked how he could change his world and do those same things as her, serving those who couldn't help themselves. He asked where he should go to make the most impact. She wrote back with a simple reply. it said: "Find your own Calcutta." Calcutta... Vancouver... Maple Ridge... Pitt Meadows... could even be chapels at Haney or Fuel. where ever it is, the Psalms say that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, the downcast, and the weary. let us find that Calcutta and faithfully flood it with prayer and miracles and commitment. i feel that i've been way too slack on my faithfulness recently to some things i have responsibility in. let us make the most of TODAY by surrounding it with so much prayer and finding courage from the Almighty to do those things we cannot do on our own but He pleads us to do. yes Lord! stop thinking my friends... get on the move!
PPS. that last PS was really long. :)
janners

hey guys! I've been thinking recently, and all of the sudden the idea of Lent came to mind. LENT! I was like "fruit, what's lent?" So I asked Mrs. Campbell and looked it up on the internet and here's what i found!
it's pretty much 40 days (not including sundays) of mouring and sacrifice before easter. in some churches it's 40 days of fasting certain foods. it starts on Ash Wednesday and ends the Saturday before Easter. It's supposed to be a time of confession and recomittment. I've never done Lent before, but I think that it could be totally profound and a deeply intimate experience with Jesus. And I know that i'll have to constantly be checking myself... making sure i'm not just going on a power trip--like just proving to myself and others that i can go without something for 6 weeks. and to use my desire for that certain something as an "alarm clock" to remind me to go and pray RIGHT then, or something like that. hm... something to think about for sure. For anyone who's interested it starts Wednesday, Feb. 25th and goes until Saturday, April 10th. And you can fast anything: PlayStation, Slurpees, meat... something that you find it hard to "live without" from day to day. but i also think it's a seriously personal thing. but i've got over a week to pray about it, so we'll see how it goes! If anyone else is interested and wants to do some sorta accountability thing, here i am :) ciao!

Woe to those who fear not God! Whose ferocious love rests in another, whose prideful hand shoves down the opressed...woe to those who have taken idols! Whose worship bounces off bronze bellies and praises flutter to the earth... woe to those all void of passion! Whose hearts don't leap nor weep. Emotionless, devotionless, atrociousness. Woe am I, for i've seen the Lord! My unholy face drawn into His...my reeking soul has beheld pure glory. Oh, that He may bless me indeed! Cover me in blood that I may be clean.

The praise of my tongue is the least You are due! To walk hand in hand with Your love... My whole being cries out for a spirit of worship to reign. These iron shackles trip me up, pull me down. I've tried to run, but i'm crawling on the ground. Yesterday they caught me in Tomorrow's empty promises. A silver key You hold in your hand...

Can we rise above the squalour when the prince has the chains done up tight? We reformed to his ways, dead in life. Stretching out hands up, we slip. Muddy feet, faces, arms and clothes. How can we be relieved, transformed unto the Almighty? Weak and arrogant in the prince of lies! We serve the one we detest. Dances with the devil! Too weak to lead, too tired to let go, he drags us through the motions. We let him spin us, dip us, twirl us into the confusion of our sin. Oh, let the King take me over! Take my hand, so bony, grubby.. His so firm, yet soft. Let us dance to His glory, in His life, though His death and resurrection, above all fear, beyond all hate. hate of you. of me. of nothing and everything. Let me dance, sweet Jesus, with YOU!