So there was this time last night when I was like "hey! I should do all my homework on Saturday. That way I'll have a free Sunday and a unstressful Monday!"
So I tried. I really did! I woke up at 8:45 this morning and sat at my computer for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT! I truly did, and I finished a Rels paper.
And then Bekah phoned and Kjer phoned. Yep... and then Kjer came over on the ferry. So we went to Fort Langley and wandered through antique shoppes (you need to spell it with the extra "pe" when you're talking ancient artifacts, people). And we ate lunch at Wendell's and went to a hat store where there (honestly!) were ladies in there buying hats for cocktail parties this weekend! I felt exotic, and like I should be off to the races or something.
Then I came back to my dorm and really thought about my homework! I did! But then it was cooler to go for a hike through the endangered-snail-infested-back-40 to the Town Pantry to buy eggs and oil. Alas, they sold neither, so we bought candy and chips instead.
BUT! then back at Trinity we bought 2 eggs and a small cup of oil with our dinner. And came back to bake some smokin' awesome just-add-eggs-oil-and-water M & M brownies. And then we had to make popcorn too.
And we watched "Bend It Like Beckham" too. which caused us to come back and have a sweet East Indian dance party.
Next we started playing soccer with the leftover balloons from Marie's birthday on Tuesday. And then I remembered that there was still a soccer ball out on the rugby field! so Linoleum (just kidding, it's Linette), Jen, Jess, Lauren and I went out there in the pitch dark. and we got freaked out by this scary white sign, but Jen and Lin and I went pretty close to it.
Next we went to the highway and Jen and I crossed the road. and then lay down on it, like they do in "The Notebook." but that was short lived because lots of cars go zipping down Glover Rd... meanwhile, Jess and Lin were rolling down a hill and Lauren was making sure they didn't fall into the pond (oi, ditch itch!).
There was also this creepy white van and lo and behold, it was unlocked! but we didn't do much there.
we went to the Lower Caf next. and on the heated waiting rack someone's french fries were ready. his name was Vernon. but Vernon wasn't there. So we talked to this English/H-Kin major named Chris who told us the extensive and well-remembered story of Gilgamesh. Poor guy, he faced so many crazy trials in his life, and only succeeded in helping some snake...
Then we stole Vern's fries and booked it. Poor Vernon.
Then we met up with Cameron and Brendan and talked to them in the freezing winter night. It was chilly, it sure was. And we decided to Sac Lauren's Mento. It was a riot!
And that, Professor, is the reason why my new testament papers, my psych assignment, my english reading, and my history studying isn't finished. I'll try again next weekend....

another moment of divinity.
secluded, late at night, and in a room I often pass by, I sat.
i didn't even take a full breath in when Jesus sat in front of me.
and He touched me.
and I am blessed. loved! chosen.
utterly incompetant and frustratingly unfaithful.
but He wants me. me. I could barely breathe now for His face was so close to mine.
i didn't come to pray. not to thank Him or even to talk.
i really didn't even intend to see Him tonight.
and He didn't come to chastise. i don't even remember what He said.
or if He spoke.
but He was there. just... there.
and i wanted--needed--nothing else

For the Lord, our God, He is holy

Living with people can be the most rewarding the most draining experience of your life. There are times when I've laughed so hard at the most ridiculous thing that I felt like I was about to pass out from lack of oxygen to the brain. There are also times when someone cracks out 94.5 The Beat FM and the craziest dance party emerges. And then you start rubbing off on each other. So-and-so from Oregon uses the word "fetus" alot and then, what do ya know, you drop the word casually too, without even meaning it. It's exhilarating, making fun of each other's accents and learning all about the cultural differences in Toronto. And I feel accepted and funny and safe.
But then the quirks and issues arise. Someone makes a self-conscious comment. Another complains about another's habits. It makes me want to scream, "Stop! Let's all go back to week one where we all knew each other's favorite food, silly one-liners, and music genres! Let's just go for group walks where we explore abandoned houses and search for old apples in those stray fields! Let's just snack on sour keys and licorice while watching "Friends" and "Emperor's New Groove" together!"
Man, seriously, those times are so unterrifying.
Maybe I'm afraid of intimacy. Yeah, I probably am. The more I get to know someone the more I realize they are getting to know me, and it honestly can scare the living hell out of me.
I guess it's because I hate not knowing myself, and am concerned that the stunted fragments of me will come out misunderstood or that who I am really is so far from who I want to be. Who I should be. Who I was chosen to be.
I don't trust the Lord as I need to. If I did, if I actually and truly believed that He was Who He says He is, I would have nary a care in the world. I realize when I'm not trusting God, I start to feel like I'm dangling over a ravine on a thin rope. I struggle and squirm and attempt to reach a tree branch or the cliff edge just to gain some sort of feeble control. And knowing me, I probably start getting quite moody, cursing the rocks, the winding river way below, even the very cord that's holding me up. And I'm sure I'm crying by this point too. Then I start getting desperate. I think of all the things I have to offer in order to be placed on safe ground again. I think of all the ways I've messed up and start rambling off hurried and uncontemplated appologies, and praying that I've gathered enough good karma to get me out of this uncomfortable position.
I think the configuration of my life has been tragically marred by a perfectionism that doggedly pursues me, and an inability to exhaustively understand and receive the unadulterated mercy of God Almighty. That I should ever be so proud as to spite His favor and demand that I do it my own, bumbling, pathetic way is devastating. It would be laughable if it wasn't so blatantly appalling.
Ohh... when will I learn?