So things have been sorta back to our "norm" (if we can even call it that) this week. Classes 8-12 Monday to Wednesday this week, final spanish exam wednesday. tonight is our talent show at this cafe in antigua as well as my friend's birthday dinner. tomorrow we have service (my group is helping on this farm in a few cities over) after spanish and some easter entertainment night tomorrow night. wednesday in the afternoon is cultural day, learning about the way they do easter down here. Wednesday night MIGHT be free (please!). Thursday we are making these sawdust carpets in the streets for 5 hours and then I have PMG (Peer Mentoring Group) and then i'm leading worship after supper. Friday is the huge processional day in ANtigua and I also have a one-on-one with my mentor. I am tired just thinking about all of it! this past week was really draining, so i'm losing my momentum, and my focus too, i think. and being tired has left me open to so much attack. but the vulnerability has drawn me in closer to Jesus. I wanna praise a little louder than before... I wanna lift my hands higher than before... I wanna dance a little longer than before. Jesus! all for Jesus...

I'm beginning to feel worn out. maybe i just need more sleep. maybe they're just packing tons into the weeks. but i've felt like i've been missing the movements of God that have been happening in the group. I don't feel gyped so much as i am scared that i've left God hanging. I keep sitting down to make things right, but just walking away feeling unfulfilled. maybe being fulfilled shouldn't be my ultimate goal. no, no of course it shouldn't! I want all of me dead! More than anything! I'm not going to try to cram 2 spirits into my being. All of me MUST go! I can't pursue Him and chase my own worldliness also! How can i surrender more and more? What walls must be destroyed? i can't even really see them anymore, but i think i'm standing SO close to them that I just haven't recognized them. it's time for some good clean-up and ... I don't know. Fresh wind. Rain... so many of the things that people have been "randomly" saying and that i've been "coincidentally" reading has mentioned rain. and wow, rain... I don't know, but maybe it's not even the gentle, refreshing rain i need. maybe it's the pounding, screaming, cleansing, flood-gates rain. pray for rain. for showers and showers of mighty rain!

Let there be an awakening.