The sun shines

and leaves blow

and my hope like autumn

is turning brown.

And I know it seems like

I'm always falling down.

But it does not matter to me although it seems like it should.

It's because I know I'm understood when I hear Him say

"Rest in me, little David and dry all your tears, you can lay down your armor

And have no fear cause I'm always here

When you're tired of running, and I'm all the strength that you need"

It's up hill

both ways,

tomorrow I swear

I won't act this way.

And I know it seems like

that is what I always say.

But it does not matter to me although it seems like it should.

It's because I know I'm understood when I hear Him say

"Rest in me, little David and dry all your tears, you can lay down your armor

And have no fear cause I'm always here

When you're tired of running, cause I'm all the strength that you need.

"You know I want to be like Jesus,

but it seems so very far away,

and when will I learn to obey, obey?

I fear that i have become a hider. That i've been manipulating conversations so that I never have to admit how i'm really feeling. And that instead of clinging to those who have known my struggles, I've been skirting around their presence and fleeing from contact and conversation that might lead to the revelation of my soul. and the One who knows me most intimately--I've allowed myself to live under a cloak of shame and walk only in the shadowy outskirts of his throneroom. no wonder i'm suffering so!

"I need a miracle, someone to help me help myself..."