Hey guys! wow, it's been a while since I was on here. I've been thinking alot about my "future" and "what I'm gonna do with my life" as well as "career options". lol, i'm not sure why exactly I put those in quotations. :) but maybe it's because I don't really take those phrases super seriously. We listened to this song in English the other day and we were supposed to analyze it. When I first heard it, it totally reminded me of like my future and all the things I want to do, but then how the fears and risks and other people's views on my dreams sorta trap me. Here are the lyrics:

Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall

And it's not like super deep, but I think that this is the time in my life when I really need to break away, but in a good way. My relationship with my rents has totally been blessed in the past 6 months or so and we've grown so much closer. it's awesome because I know that this time next year I may not be living at home and so i want to enjoy all the time I have with them. but then again, the closer I get to them the less rebellious I am towards them and the more respect I have for their decisions and hopes for me. awesome, right? yes! BUT... I think recently I've been waiting for them to kinda push me in the right direction. I have all these wonderfully amazing options in front of me but when I present them to my rents, they kinda smile and nod and encourage me to keep looking into it. Where once I would have balked and sneered at THEIR thoughts regarding MY future, I've felt almost hurt, and sorta like a floundering fish. Ha ha, ok, here's a good picture. My horse, Billie, always tries to sneak outside of the gate when it's opened and then go running around the property, eating grass and carousing with the neighbours' horses. But sometimes he'll get out when I'm at school and then spend all day running in circles around the paddock trying to get back in because the gate has closed itself behind him. He doesn't realize he's free and while it makes it easier for me to catch him, it looks quite pathetic and hilarious. I think the worst thing I could do is not do anything. Like, the Lord has put so many visions and dreams and desires in me, especially regarding options for the years after high school, and if i were to sit here stressing and being so undecisive that i choose to do nothing, that would be the biggest waste ever. so i think i'm just gonna jump into something, pray about it, and then see where He leads. someone once told me that GOd likes to steer a moving vessel. You've gotta trust Him by leaving the dock, and know that if you're headed in the wrong direction, He'll flip that rudder around and have you moving where He wants you. hm... pretty sweet stuff. This God of ours, He just keeps getting more and more amazing, hey? :)
PS. that song "Let me fall" by Josh Groban is really about Cirque de Soleil... i was kinda disappointed :)